Sheldon: What if I told you that I added your name to the cable bill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: That's just as well. They had me on hold for 20 minutes. I hung up.

Leonard: New salon topic: What's more important-- an idea or its execution?
Bernadette: Oh, that's fun.
Sheldon: Good for you, Leonard. That's a lovely little notion. Kind of like "I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago." Yeah, and I'll stand back while I invent the telephone. *holds invisible telephone to ear* Hello? Oh, hold on. Leonard, it's your uncle. He says you just got burned.

Raj: I know what it's like having to go through a loved one's possesions. My uncle was a worshipper of Krishna. But after he died, you know what we found? A statue of Shiva.
It might not be Crips & Bloods, but in India it's a thing.

Howard: A lot of ma's stuff brings back fond memories.
Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets?
Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out, and her saying "Quick, no one's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup."

Howard: It's all defrosting.
Bernadette: It's okay, it's just food.
Howard: It's not just food. This is the last food my mother ever made. This is her last brisket. This is her last meatloaf. This is her last - I have no idea what this is. But, it's the last one.

Bernadette: What should we do?
Howard: I'll tell you exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna eat it.
Bernadette: There's like twenty-pounds of food in there.
Howard: All you said was, I had to get rid of things. You didn't say they couldn't pass through my colon first.

Howard: Certainly a lot more women are reading comic books now.
Stuart: It's true. In the store, I had to put a seat on the toilet.

Sheldon: An article was just published in Scientific American about our theory.
Leonard: Did they hate it?
Sheldon: No, no, they loved it. They couldn't say enough nice things about it.
Leonard: So what's the problem?
Sheldon: You know how the pennysaver only has my name on it?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: They didn't mention you in the article, only me.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon: I know. It's not fair. *massages Leonard's shoulders* Let the anger go, buddy. You just, you relax all your muscles, except for your pubococcygeus and anal sphincter. Let's keep those going.

Sheldon: I have mixed feelings about interviews. I like the part where I talk, but I do not like the part where the other man talks.

Amy: Sheldon, this article doesn't mention Leonard at all.
Sheldon: Oh, that can't be right.
Amy: It only refers to Dr. Cooper and his team. Did you even talk about him?
Sheldon: All I did was answer a few questions about the theory, and then express my gratitude that Scientific American doesn't include any of those smelly perfume cards.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.

Amy: Remember that time you didn't get picked to pull the sword out of the stone at Disneyland and they let that other kid do it?
Sheldon: Oh, that kid!
Poor Leonard.
Amy: Exactly.
Sheldon: For the record, that kid was a terrible choice. If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England.

Sheldon: It's like when Stan Lee and Steve Ditko invented Spider-man. Stan Lee may get all the credit, but Steve Ditko knows he was just as important. Even though Stan Lee gets to be in all the Marvel movies, and he's far richer, and he's a household name. You know, where as if you say Ditko, that sounds like a company that makes Dits.

Howard: Okay, how about this? Let's invite everyone over to dinner. It'll be like Ma's feeding us one last time.
Bernadette: I love that.
Raj: Me too. Oh look, we've got enough ketchup to cover every ounce of it.

Sheldon: Please, I have ideas all day long. Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people.
A new clothing size between medium and large called Marge.
Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out.