Amy: Have you made a decision about the TARDIS? I think I can sell it if we call it Big British Portapotty.

Sheldon: Amy, the Daleks are right on my tail. Quick, we need to reset the time circuits. Oh no, I left my Sonic Screwdriver behind.
Amy: Really should have thought this through.

Howard: Come on, one day this may double in value and be worth half what I paid for it!

Bernadette: If this doesn't get him in to your bedroom, nothing will.

Sheldon: Play that funky music, white boy.
Leonard: I'm surprised you know that reference.
Sheldon: What reference?

Bernadette: You know, Amy, I can't help but wonder how Sheldon would react if the TARDIS was at your place.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Just hit the ball.
Amy: Keep talking.

Sheldon: There it is. It's just a gate. On a road.
Leonard: It wasn't even that hard to find.

Sheldon: This is so amazing!
Leonard: I know!

Bernadette: Hey, Raj, if Howard can't keep the TARDIS, how great would it look at your place?
Raj: What?
Howard: Yeah, what?
Bernadette: I don't know much about Doctor Who, but if you were to put this right outside your front door and open up the back, it would be like your entire apartment is the inside of the TARDIS. Which is pretty cool because on the show, the inside of the TARDIS is bigger than the outside. But then again, I don't know much about Doctor Who.

Amy: Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat.
Penny: It's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones.
Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that, too?
Penny: No, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Sheldon: What's the plan?
Leonard: I'm just gonna be honest with the guy.
Sheldon: Honesty will never get us in.
Leonard: Well, what's your plan.
Sheldon: All right. My plan is predicated on the assumption they have a nurse's office and your willingness to be lightly stabbed.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Shedding the yoke of my oppressors, you blind, sad little man.

Howard: Come on, Raj. You are the King Kong of Ping Pong. You are the Menace of Table Tennis. Put her away, 'cos I don't have a third one.

Penny: So when do you guys think you're gonna move in?
Howard: We're still figuring how much remodelling we want to do.
Bernadette: It's tricky finding the right balance between tasteful modern and Jewish mother chachki crap fest.

Sheldon: I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.
Leonard: Oh. I'm about to lose control. And I think I like it.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?

Amy: If you still have that bra, I'll give you a nickel for it.

Sheldon: One question about that picture. Can it be with George Lucas? Ooh, grumpy you are.

Howard: And just so you know, when this started I was going to put the TARDIS in a discreet corner of the house. But I've since turned mean and now it's going in the middle of the living room on a rotating platform with a sign that says "Suck It".

Amy: I had one too, but I didn't have any friends so all I did was serve.
Bernadette: You know you can leave one side up and play against it.
Amy: And if I had a friend, they might have told me that.

Howard: Did you play badminton or sadminton?

Sheldon: I think what really needs to be rescued is your sense of whimsy. But one quest at a time.

Sheldon: I don't see what's crazy about bringing a backpack with your own toilet paper and Purell.
Leonard: Keep going.
Sheldon: And rubber gloves, and air freshener. Noise cancelling headphones. Oh, danger whistle. Umm, pepper spray. Ooh, a multi-language occupied sign. Let's see, we have seat protectors, booties for my shoes, a clothes pin for my nose. Oh, and, a mirror on a stick so I can make sure the person in the stall next to me isn't some kid of weirdo.

Sheldon: I just restocked the old PRK.
Penny: PRK?
Leonard: Public Restroom Kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee-pee in new and strange places.

Sheldon: I can see the ranch, Leonard! Oh, it's rustic, it's lovely. I'd take a picture, but people are chasing me. I'm going to make it! I'm going to make it! They have tasers, but they wouldn't dare use-- Aaaaaaah!

Sheldon: All right, we have defeated the first challenge. Now we must steel ourselves to face the monster who defends the gate.
Leonard: We're trying to get past a security guard. Not rescue Zelda.

Sheldon: What if I told you that I was the voice of Yoda? A recording session I must attend.

Sheldon: Do you think they're gonna call the police?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe they'll call Imperial Officers to take us to a holding cell on the Death Star.
Sheldon: I think that's below the pay grade of an Imperial Officer. Storm troopers would really be the ones-
Leonard: Oh, shut up!

Sheldon: And, for all the times you find me irritating, today you got to watch someone shoot me with a taser.
Leonard: That part was pretty good.
Sheldon: See.
Leonard: You did flop around a lot.
Sheldon: I'll take your word for it. I was too busy trying not to defecate.

Sheldon: Are you still mad at me?
Leonard: Yes. We missed our lecture, we were almost arrested, and you got me locked in a room with a man who forced his tongue down the throat of a stuffed Wookiee.

Leonard: We don't have an appointment. And we don't belong here, but we're like crazy big fans. Crazy for Star Wars crazy, not like we have a backpack full of duct tape. Although we do have a backpack that you really don't want to look in.

Penny: You know when they chase you out of there, you only have to run faster than Sheldon.

Penny: We had one of these growing up. I used to play all the time.
Raj: Oh yeah, I loved ping pong.
Penny: Oh, I meant beer pong.

Penny: Bernadette, for every episode of Doctor Who Leonard has made me sit through, I will play on your behalf and send that TARDIS back to Gallifrey, where I hate that I know it belongs.

Bernadette: How is that fair? You grew up with a table.
Howard: Yes, but I mostly used it as a battlefield in an ongoing war between the Transformers and the Thundercats for control of a bra I had found in the woods.

Bernadette: You can't just decide. How about I arm wrestle you?
Howard: That's not fair. That's like me challenging you to a sexy pants contest.

Leonard: I don't think George Lucas put his headquarters in the middle of nowhere because he wanted people dropping in.
Sheldon: Yoda's swamp was in the middle of nowhere. Tatooine was in the middle of nowhere. Hoth was in the middle of nowhere. That's code, Leonard. He wants us to drop in.

Sheldon: Aren't you worried that sitting in the lobby for a long period of time might attract the attention of the hotel detective?
Leonard: If we do, we'll just tell him to hit the bricks, see.
Sheldon: Seems a little confrontational, but all right.

Sheldon: So, they're requesting that the white boy play the funky music, yes?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: And this music we're listening to right now is funky as well?
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Let me ask you this. Do you think this song is the music the white boy ultimately plays?
Leonard: It could be.
Sheldon: So it's like the musical equivalent of Russell's Paradox. The question of whether the set of all sets that don't contain themselves as members contains itself.
Leonard: Exactly.
Sheldon: Well then, I hate it. Music should just be fun.

Sheldon: We want to meet George Lucas and become his friends and play with him.

Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Bernadette: Come on, get in her head. Be intimidating.
Raj: Okay. I'm gonna own you bitch!
Penny: Whoa!
Bernadette: Hey!
Raj: Let's just play.

Leonard: I'm a little nervous.
Sheldon: Well, get over it. Confidence is key in these situations.
Leonard: Right. *Pushes button*
Sheldon: You pushed it! Are you out of your mind?

Bernadette: Don't listen to him. All she's got is a serve. Now grab a fresh tampon and put her away.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a physics car game I invented called "I Can't Spy?" It's all the nail-biting tension of I Spy but the added fun of sub-atomic particles and waves outside the visible spectrum.
Leonard: If it's half as much fun as "1 x 10 to the 4th bottles of beer on the wall", I'm in.

Penny: You still worried some Berkeley girl's gonna steal him away?
Amy: Yes. Who do you think gave him the danger whistle?

Sheldon: What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences.

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been working on an opening joke for our lecture at Berkeley.
Leonard: Oh, I like to laugh. But say it anyway.

Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.

Amy: Can I be in charge of pricing? I've been going to garage sales my whole life.
Can you believe I got these pantyhose for a nickel?
Howard: All right, Amy's in charge of pricing, and being seventy-five.

Howard: So it's settled. The fate of Doctor Who's TARDIS will be decided by a Game of Thrones-inspired death match on the battlefield of Thundercats versus Transformers.

Sheldon: Boy, some people are just glass-half-empty.
Leonard: The glass is empty, Sheldon. It's completely empty. If you gave that glass to a man who was dying of thirst, he would be dead. Do you know why?
Sheldon: Before I answer, was he a smoker?