Leonard: Maybe it is a little like Penny. Any chance she'll be flattered?
Bernadette: I don't know. She's pretty mean.
Leonard: Ilsa or Penny?
Bernadette: Exactly.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Amy: So, you're just gonna sit here by yourself and do nothing?
Sheldon: Of course not. I'm going to write mean comments about Wil's show online.
Amy: Well, you can't criticize something you haven't seen.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, are you familiar with the Internet?

Sheldon: Oh, Amy. Good, you're here.
Amy: Hi. What's up?
Sheldon: How would you like to be on television?
Amy: Is it gonna be a news story where I have to say you were quiet and kept to yourself and I'm as shocked as anyone?

Wil Wheaton: Hello, Sheldon. I suppose you've come here to tell me that you've moved me to your super secret enemies list.
Sheldon: I don't have a super secret enemies list. I'm not a Bond villain. I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list.