Leonard: Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.
Sheldon: Why's that?
Leonard: Because your friend was rude to her, and then you went to dinner with him.
Sheldon: You're just repeating what I said. It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot.
Leonard: Trust me, call her.
Sheldon: Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us, because the buffet you're about to enjoy only serves humble pie, a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt. I was this close.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal.
Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg.

Amy: And action.
Wil Wheaton: And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?
Amy: Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.

Wil Wheaton: Problem, first time director?