Bernadette: So, is there anything I can do to help you with the move tomorrow?
Howard: Now that you mention it, I was thinking tomorrow might not be great.
Bernadette: What's your excuse this time?
Howard: No excuse. It's just, you know, I'm Jewish, and technically, we're not supposed to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath. So this one's on God.
Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal.
Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg.

Wil Wheaton: Problem, first time director?

Sheldon: Amy deserves better. You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.