Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Bert: I don't really have dreams, when I sleep or in life.

Howard: And then Andy said if we want privacy, we should plant some trees. The only way I know how to do that is to give a dollar and tree shows up in Israel.