Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!

Barry Kripke: We're all pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls. That's why we fight robots.

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Amy: Hi. You're on Fun with Flags.
Barry Kripke: Hello. I want to talk about how lonely I am, too.
Raj: Kripke? Is that you?
Barry Kripke: Yeah, I'm just sitting here all by myself wondering if I'll ever find someone to share my life with. Preferably Asian, 18-24, no fatties.

Mary Cooper: Raj is it? Still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because you know at our church we have a woman who's an amazing healer. Mainly she does crutch and wheelchair people. But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot at whatever third-world demon is running around inside of you.

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.

Sheldon: What are they doing here?
Leonard: We came to apologize again and bring you home. So why don't you pack up your stuff, and we'll head back?
Sheldon: No, this is my home now. Thanks to you, my career is over, and I will spend the rest of my life here in Texas trying to teach evolution to creationists.
Mrs. Cooper: You watch your mouth, Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Sheldon: But evolution is not opinion, it's a fact.
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion.