Penny: I haven't been on a job interview in years. I'm really nervous.
Bernadette: Don't be. You're built for pharmaceutical sales. You're cute, you're flirty, and I started that like there were gonna be three things.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Dan: You're scared of Bernadette?
Penny: Yeah, kinda.
Dan: I thought it was just me! Everyone thinks she's so nice with the little squeaky voice!

Sheldon: I feel renewed. I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way. [sees Penny] Your hair is different. You changed your hair. I can't take this. I'm out.

Sheldon: Leonard, as soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. [checks for Amy's reaction] Okay, she can't hear.