Bernadette: Don't listen to him. All she's got is a serve. Now grab a fresh tampon and put her away.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Amy: Have you made a decision about the TARDIS? I think I can sell it if we call it Big British Portapotty.

Sheldon: Play that funky music, white boy.
Leonard: I'm surprised you know that reference.
Sheldon: What reference?

Bernadette: Hey, Raj, if Howard can't keep the TARDIS, how great would it look at your place?
Raj: What?
Howard: Yeah, what?
Bernadette: I don't know much about Doctor Who, but if you were to put this right outside your front door and open up the back, it would be like your entire apartment is the inside of the TARDIS. Which is pretty cool because on the show, the inside of the TARDIS is bigger than the outside. But then again, I don't know much about Doctor Who.