Howard: Hey Mike?
Mike Massimino: Yeah.
Howard: I changed my mind. I don't want to do this.
Mike: Good one.
Howard: Yeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Amy: Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.

Sheldon: Would you like some aloe vera? 'cause you just got burned.

Amy: Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about Howard and Bernadette, and me!