Leonard: Okay, I know what'll cheer you up, let's play one of your driving games.
Sheldon: All right. This game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures, you put them in order of the heinousness of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: You really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right. Judas had the decency to hang himself after what he did.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Leonard: What would you guys do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland.
Leonard: Seriously?
Wolowitz: Absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Sheldon: It was you. I touched you!
Penny: Happy Valentine's Day.

Penny: I think I caught the flu. *Throwing up*. Or the plague!