Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, somebody just got burned.

Raj: Hey, this pregnancy had an emotionally-needy third wheel way before you came along.