Bernadette: Hey, could you please go to the market for me?
Howard: Get Stuart or Raj to do it.
Bernadette: Howie, they've been doing everything for you.
Howard: Mm, I know. It's really making me lose respect for both of them.
Bernadette: Please just go to the store.
Howard: Fine. (shouting) Who wants to drive me to the store?
Raj: (off-screen) Me!
Stuart: (off-screen) I'll do it!
Bernadette: Take Raj. Stuart is supposed to paint my toenails.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, somebody just got burned.

Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.