Sheldon: It's for her surprise frontier birthday dinner. I am making hardtack, boiled salt pork, and because it's a special day, a chewable gob of tree sap.
Penny: Is that good?
Sheldon: Uh, compared to other foods, no. Compared to other parts of a tree? Eh.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Sheldon: Can I get you anything else?
Amy: No, thanks. I think I'm good.
Sheldon: You sure? There's still plenty of pork fat. Although, if we don't eat it, I suppose we could turn it into soap.
Amy: That might taste better.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: I left the food out.
Amy: You afraid it's gonna go good?

Sheldon: So this is for Amy's birthday. Can I leave it here?
Leonard: Sure. What is it?
Sheldon: A butter churn.
Penny: Aw, that's what I got her.