Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Bernadette: Are you kidding? I've always been treated differently! Look at me. Listen to me. I mean, the first thought when you see me isn't, "That's a scientist." It's, "I wonder if her mommy knows where she is."

Bernadette: Apple slices? What kind of lunatic goes to McDonald's and gets fruit?

Bernadette: Well, my boss said he hadn't decided yet, so I gently reminded him that he's an old rich white guy, and I'm a sweet little pregnant lady who's not afraid to cry in front of a jury.

Bernadette: I'm worried about Howard. Ever since that guy from the Air Force showed up, he's been a nervous wreck.
Penny: We work at a giant pharmaceutical company. Get him some anti-anxiety meds.
Bernadette: He won't take any pills that aren't chewable and shaped like a Flintstone.

Bernadette: Did you tell anyone?
Penny: No, you told me not to.
Bernadette: I bet it was Barbara Chen in retrovirus. She might have heard me throwing up one morning. Every since she got the hearing aid, she thinks she's so great.

Amy: Why don't you want anyone to know?
Bernadette: 'Cause I'm up for a major immunotherapy study, and if they find out I'm pregnant they might give it to someone else.
Penny: Would they really do that?
Bernadette: I know they would. They did it to Barbara Chen last year when I told everyone she was pregnant.

Penny: Are you still upset about people finding out you're pregnant?
Bernadette: I'm furious.
Penny: Sure, sure. Uh, did you ever figure out who told?
Bernadette: No. I confronted Barbara Chen, but she claimed she didn't know what I was talking about.
Penny: Hmm. Well, I guess it's just gonna remain a mystery, you know, like whatever happened in that seminar after they dimmed the lights. (laughs)
Bernadette: It had to be Barbara. I've been trying to figure out a way to get back at her. Do you think using her work computer to Google "how to be a prostitute" is over the line?

Amy: Hi. Howard told me you were working late, so I brought dinner.
Bernadette: Oh, thanks. You know, I just wanted to get some work done without people congratulating me about the baby every five minutes.
Amy: I spent my day alone in the lab waiting for a rat to die of anthrax.
Bernadette: Did you come here to bring me dinner or to gloat?

Penny: You threatened to sue?
Bernadette: Hey, I learned a long time ago, when you're four feet eleven and eye level with every guy's crotch, that's where you punch.
Penny: That's funny. I learned something totally different.

Bernadette: Do you know what? It's just a research project. The most important job in the world is gonna be raising this child. It's all I need to give my life meaning.
Penny: Oh, that's so beautiful.
Bernadette: You believe me? Oh, good. Eleven more chumps like you, I'll have the jury eating out of my hand.

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Howard: That's great, now they know where I live.
Raj: What are you talking about? They've always known where you live.
Bernadette: Yeah, if you want to go off the grid, you have to move out of your mother's house.

Bernadette: Not just Leonard and Penny's love, but the love we have for them, as well as each other.
Sheldon: Speaking of love, STDs among the elderly are skyrocketing.

Bernadette: Love is patient, but it's not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let's knock it off!
Howard: At least she's yelling at someone else for a change.
Bernadette: Howard!