Bernadette: Anybody have anything snarky to say about that? Didn't think so.

Raj: Okay, look, I'm on the Air Force Web site, and the department that e-mailed you is in charge of acquisitions. So maybe they just want to give you a lot of money for your invention.
Howard: Oh, please, that's not how it works. You saw E.T., Avatar, Jurassic World. The military just shows up and takes over.
Bernadette: You do realize those weren't documentaries, right?

Howard: He's flashing his lights. What's that mean?
Raj: I think he wants us to pull over.
Bernadette: Do not pull over. I'm not raising this baby alone.

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Bernadette: It's okay, you should go.
Howard: You sure?
Bernadette: Of course.
Penny: Yeah, give her a break from, well, come on.
Sheldon: Well, Bernadette, looks like Saturday night, it's you and me.
Bernadette: Me? How? Why?

Sheldon: And last but not least, this is one that I like to call Star Wars Toast because it has a light side and a dark side. All righty, it's time for Dungeons & Dragons.
Bernadette: Dungeons & Dragons? That sounds about right.

Howard: You feel like Raj is getting a little carried away with all the baby stuff?
Bernadette: I don't think so. He just wants to be part of the experience.
Howard: All right, if you say so. What's in the box?
Bernadette: Oh, it's an ultrasonic microphone so we can hear the baby's heartbeat.
Howard: Oh. That's cool. Can we try it?
Bernadette: Actually, Raj ordered it. He made me promise to wait till he was here.
Howard: So he can be part of the experience?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: I'm surprised he let us conceive without him.
Bernadette: It's a sore spot, don't bring it up.

Howard: What? Are you gonna cry?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: Is it baby hormones or actually sad?
Bernadette: I can't tell anymore.
Howard: I'll go get him.
Bernadette: And bring back the bear!

Raj: I appreciate the apology, but it's really not necessary. I overstepped my bounds.
Howard: No, Raj, you've been great. I just, I need to start doing my part around here.
Bernadette: I hear that.

Bernadette: Sometimes he solders at home with his shirt off. It's like a beer commercial.

Penny: I mean, it's crazy, isn't it? I moved here from Nebraska to be an actress, and now I'm sitting in an engineering lab at Caltech helping to build a prototype for a high-tech guidance system.
Bernadette: It is crazy. It's also crazy that I've made fourteen of these and you've made three.

Bernadette: You don't think she'd actually send you something gross or dangerous, do you?
Penny: I know one way to find out. Sniff this.
Amy: She's pregnant, she's not a bloodhound.
Bernadette: Although I am getting a little machine oil. I think it's metal.

Raj: Seriously, guys, I don't want to know.
Amy: Oh, my.
Raj: Oh, come on, you can't say "Oh, my!" and then not tell me!
Amy: These things go for $500 and up.
Bernadette: Damn! All I got for Valentine's Day was a postcard saying my Vermont Teddy Bear was back-ordered.

Bernadette: Yeah, it's all real exciting.
Penny: Are-are you not happy about this?
Bernadette: I am. Of course I am. I'm sure it's just the hormones. But it's weird. Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years, and I was all excited to tell him because I thought he'd be thrilled, but then he started to flip out and now this feels like a bad idea and I'm gonna get fat.
Penny: No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat. You're gonna be beautiful and glowing and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
Bernadette: Easy for you to say, skinny bitch.

Bernadette: We were out one night, and things got a little spontaneous.
Amy: Oh, that sounds juicy.
Bernadette: Well, Sheldon was going on and on about time zones and railroad schedules, and I went out-
Penny: Wait, I remember that. Hang on. You did it at our place?
Bernadette: Kind of on Sheldon's bed.
Amy: What?!
Penny: No!
Bernadette: I was headed to the bathroom, and I passed Howie on his way out. Usually he says, "Do not go in there," but this time he said, "Hey, let's go in here."