Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Penny: So when do you guys think you're gonna move in?
Howard: We're still figuring how much remodelling we want to do.
Bernadette: It's tricky finding the right balance between tasteful modern and Jewish mother chachki crap fest.

Bernadette: Hey, Raj, if Howard can't keep the TARDIS, how great would it look at your place?
Raj: What?
Howard: Yeah, what?
Bernadette: I don't know much about Doctor Who, but if you were to put this right outside your front door and open up the back, it would be like your entire apartment is the inside of the TARDIS. Which is pretty cool because on the show, the inside of the TARDIS is bigger than the outside. But then again, I don't know much about Doctor Who.

Bernadette: Don't listen to him. All she's got is a serve. Now grab a fresh tampon and put her away.

Bernadette: You know, Amy, I can't help but wonder how Sheldon would react if the TARDIS was at your place.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Just hit the ball.
Amy: Keep talking.

Bernadette: If this doesn't get him in to your bedroom, nothing will.

Bernadette: I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband. We're eating the last food his mother ever made. And you are going to throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there, be a good friend to Howard, or there's no dessert for either of you.

Bernadette: Look at me when I'm tawking to you!

Bernadette: What's happening?
Howard: Raj was snooping through Emily's drawers and broke one.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm gonna miss her.

Bernadette: She sounds really mad.
Howard: We should hang up.
Bernadette: Yeah, we should.
Howard: But we're not going to, are we?
Bernadette: Not a chance.
Howard: What happened to snooping is wrong?
Bernadette: Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: She's just being nice.
Howard: Well, I'm her son, how come she doesn't send someone to check on me if I'm lonely.
Bernadette: Because you have a wife!
Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.

Howard: That would be great. I'd love for things between me and mom to get back to normal.
Bernadette: Well, normal's a strong word, but sure.

Howard: That is a good point. But I didn't marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I'm being.
Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.