Sheldon: It's been three days. Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
Raj: The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him?
Sheldon: Not challenging? I was humiliating the man. I was thinking of writing a book called A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
Howard: There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.

Howard: The other astronauts are being mean to me.
Bernadette: What are they doing?
Howard: Well, like for instance, the other day when I was asleep, one of the guys went on a space walk and glued a big-eyed rubber alien mask to the outside of my window. When I woke up, I screamed for like nine minutes.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie.
Howard: You can see it if you want. It's on YouTube. Google astronaut screams for nine minutes.

Howard: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base.
Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?
Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt.

Howard: When you say making it work, does that include doing the cyber nasty?
Leonard: What?
Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital bow-chacka-bow-wow.

Raj: Come on dude, that's my sister you're talking about.
Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it.

Raj: Wow. An end of an era.
Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, why does he touch himself so much?
Howard: Yeah.

Howard: That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!
Sheldon: There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.
Howard: There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Raj: And one giant container of matzah ball soup.
Howard: Ma, always kept it on hand. In case I got sick. She thought she could cure anything with her cooking. Even the time I got food poisoning, from her cooking.

Howard: I'm never gonna talk to her again.

Penny: This food is amazing.
Raj: And not a vegetable in sight.
Howard: That's not true. We've got tomatoes right here.

Howard: You guys ever notice, sometimes Bernadette sounds like my mom?
Amy: I don't hear it.
Raj: No, not at all.

Bernadette: You can't just decide. How about I arm wrestle you?
Howard: That's not fair. That's like me challenging you to a sexy pants contest.

Bernadette: How is that fair? You grew up with a table.
Howard: Yes, but I mostly used it as a battlefield in an ongoing war between the Transformers and the Thundercats for control of a bra I had found in the woods.

Josh: I can't believe my brother's an astronaut. That's amazing. What was it like?
Raj: Listen, dude, it's time for you to hit the road.
Howard: Hey, hey, the young man asked a good question.

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.