Raj: So we tell him she's a lesbian?
Howard: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian.

Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We're sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.

Raj: This (wand remote control) might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

In-flight Announcement: The Captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. You're now free to move about the cabin.
Howard: It's over.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital?
Bernadette: The poor thing. She was in surgery for eighteen hours. She's alive but she's still in critical condition.
Raj: Oh no.
Bernadette: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So you know, silver linings!
Howard: Were you like this when I married you?

Raj: Okay, let's get this over with. Eww, it's got someone's hair on it.
Howard: Oh, yeah. You're gonna do great with this movie.

Mrs. Wolowitz: (Off screen) I'm hungry again!
Howard: It's like the world's fattest cuckoo clock.

Howard: You just started seeing women naked again. I don't want you to be confused about where the boobs should be.

Dr. Lorvis: Can I ask you a question? You're a guy like me, how'd you get a girl like Penny?
Leonard: Well, just being myself really.
Sheldon: Oh please. I'll tell you how he did it. Implacable relentless badgering. In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection and she was a urethra that could not shake him.
Leonard: I don't know that I'd call myself an infection.
Howard: A gallant man would defend his fiance for being called a urethra.

Howard: I guess the sad truth is not everyone will accomplish something great. Some of us may just have to find meaning in the little moments that make up life.
Leonard: That's a nice way of looking at it.
Howard: Yeah, for you, not for me. I went to space, so I'm covered.

Leonard: Do you know what a disaster this is?
Howard: You mean because this room isn't supposed to have dust in it, and we just let in a flying crap machine.

Sheldon: I'd like to ask you all to do something for me. Keep me on my toes. Just throw me off my game. Essentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable.
Howard: Hold on. What's in it for us?
Sheldon: Well, I suppose-
Howard: Okay, we'll do it!

Howard: Okay, so it's one vote Emily, one vote Cinnamon. Penny, you're the tie breaker.
Penny: Say the quote again.
Howard: "It's just so perfect that we're both Libras."
Penny: Wow, this is just so hard. I'm gonna say Cinnamon.
Howard: Yes!
Raj: Come on!

Howard: Well, remember the Soyuz capsule they were sending to bring us home?
Bernadette: Uh huh.
Howard: It's delayed. We're gonna be here for at least another week. Maybe ten days. It's the Russians, so you don't know. They left dogs up here in the sixties.

Sheldon: Earlier today, I invited Professor Stephen Hawking to join me in the popular online game Words with Friends. Moments ago, he accepted my request. Do you understand what that means?
Howard: That somewhere right now Stephen Hawking is saying, "Damn it, I mean to click no."