Howard: Hey, good news, you don't have to sulk about Penny any more. Look, there are hundreds of Croatian women just waiting for you to contact them.
Leonard: Anythingforagreencard.com?
Howard: I'll lend you my user name, it's wealthybigpenis.
Leonard: You're joking.
Howard: Well, you gotta make it easy for them. They're just learning English.

Howard: It's time for me to act like an adult in this marriage. Starting with my husbandly duty of taking out the trash.
*garbage falls out of the bottom of bag*
Bernie, I made a mess!

Mike Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth.

Howard: I'm not saying anything bad. Just that she was in love with her captor and somehow managed to escape from his dark and crazy dungeon.

Howard: And you have every right to be mad about those things, so why don't you let me handle the credit card bill for this month? Don't even look at it.

Howard: Leonard, wait.
Leonard: What?
Howard: I'd like to Spongebob her Squarepants.
Raj: Now we are done.

Howard: "Thunder clapped as Thor raised his mighty hammer. Indy rapped, 'That's one bad mamma-jamma.'
Raj: That-that is so good!
Howard: Right? Mamma-jamma just came to me.

Penny: Where do we stand on cross-eyed Mike?
Raj: You know he won't be looking at other girls.
Howard: Unless they're sitting on the end of his nose.

Elon Musk: Oh, look. Someone hardly touched their pumpkin pie. Want to share it with me? Howard: A partially eaten piece of pumpkin pie from a homeless shelter with Elon Musk? You bet I do!

Howard: Um, "taking care of an injured rabbit." Okay, make sure it's comfortable and warm. Well, it was just in a hot tub. I'm gonna say check.

Howard: Okay, I gotta ask. Why are you wearing a bow tie?
Sheldon: I've never applied for a patent before. I wanted to make a good impression.
Howard: Oh. Is the impression that your first name is Pee-Wee?

Howard: Can you imagine if we make money with this?
Leonard: If we do, I am splurging on the best sinus irrigator money can buy.
Howard: That old sad story. Guy gets a little money, goes straight up his nose.

Howard: What are you doing?
Bernadette: I just want to make sure you've thought this through.
Howard: What's to think about? We have an invention and want to move forward.
Bernadette: Howie, you're about to form a legal partnership with Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: All right, if you're gonna calmly make excellent points, then I don't know if I want to talk to you.

Howard: Okay, I get it. And it's sweet that you're worried about me, but I can take care of myself.
Bernadette: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me. I don't want to go through this pregnancy listening to you complain about Sheldon driving you crazy more than you already do.
Howard: Oh, here we go with the ironclad logic again.

Howard: "Article three: As it pertains to this project, Dr. Sheldon Cooper promises to abstain from all insulting or disrespectful language directed toward Howard Wolowitz, including but not limited to: mockery of engineering, his height, his hair, his wardrobe, and his insane belief that the Ghost Rider movie was, quote, 'not that bad'."