Penny: You know, just-just one thing. Look, we're in a really great place right now, and I don't want to do anything that will make stuff all weird again.
Leonard: So we won't let it get weird.
Penny: Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up, mm, since the last time you saw me naked, I got a Cookie Monster tattoo. The acceptable responses when you see it are awesome or nothing.
Leonard: What about ... (in a low voice) Cookies!

Leonard: Okay, at some point, we'll look back and this is going to be a funny story. Why don't we just start doing that now?
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: No. Hey, do you remember that time when I proposed to you in bed? And you were all, like, what are you doing? That was so funny. So funny.
Penny: It's not funny.
Leonard: Give it a minute. Is that a little smile I see there? I should go.

Sheldon: Bishop to queen four, level two. Check.
Leonard: Sheldon, knight takes bishop. You all right?
Sheldon: I'm fine.
Leonard: Are you? You left your queen exposed from above, you trapped your knight in the corner, and you keep sighing and saying, why me?

Leonard: Hey, I am a young man in his sexual prime. Under the right conditions, I am capable of just, really crazy stuff.
Penny: Really? What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman? And the time you and I had sex in the ocean does not count.
Leonard: Come on, that's got to count. There was a really strong undertow. We could have died.

Leonard: Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?

Leonard: So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. Well, I guess we all kind of were. I remember this one time, I was with this girl at the beach. We were in the ocean and we started making out. I know, it was crazy. I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks.

Howard: I don't know what my next move is.
Leonard: Well, Howard, I don't know much about women.
Howard: Yeah?
Leonard: No, uh, that, that's it. I don't know much about women.

Leonard: I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.

Raj: Oh, boy, Sheldon's going to freak out.
Leonard: Yeah, he worships Hawking.
Howard: I was actually thinking about bringing him along when I go over there so he can meet the great man.
Raj: That's really nice of you, Howard.
Howard: Hmm, it's no big deal.
Leonard: Boy, a restraining order from Stephen Hawking. It'll look so nice next to the ones he's already got from Leonard Nimoy, Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.

Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.

Leonard: Hmm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it.

Leonard: We're always the good guys. In D&D, we're lawful good. In City of Heroes, we're the heroes. In Grand Theft Auto, we pay the prostitutes promptly and never hit them with a bat.
Sheldon: Those women are prostitutes? You said they were raising money for stem cell research.

Leonard: I'd make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems, if I wasn't shocked that Sheldon has girl problems.

Raj: Hey, want to spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. I kinda promised myself I'd get off the computer, be more physically active, get some exercise.
Howard: You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
Leonard: Good point. I'm in.

Sheldon: All right. I thought the candy might not be enough so let me up the ante. These are Cooper Coupons. These are for various things I can do for you. Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check. Uh, you could use it for emails, letters, tattoos, what have you. Um, oh, this is fun one. This is an afternoon with me at the California Science Center, where I point out their mistakes.
Leonard: Keep an eye on those expiration dates, I've been burned more than once.