Leonard: If he were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.
Sheldon: Oh, snap.

Penny: Leonard, look. Sheldon's hugging me!
Leonard: It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Penny: Bernadette is going to love this.
Leonard: Yeah, it must be nice to have somebody do something so romantic.
Penny: Okay, you know what's not romantic? Rubbing it in someone's face.
Leonard: Actually, it can be. But I told you sex doesn't count.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What am I supposed to ask her? "Hey Penny, you got any friends that you never want to talk to again?"

Sheldon: Where are my pants?
Leonard: You might wanna check out YouTube.

Leonard: Penny, do you have plans for dinner?
Penny: Why, you guys going somewhere?
Leonard: No, just you and me.
Penny: Have you thought this through?
Leonard: Yes, and I think we should go anyway.

Leonard: When he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan. We were going to throw his Kindle outside, and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.
Sheldon: That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
Leonard: No, the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled-dog team and yell "Mush!"

Leonard: It's kinda like the Loch Ness Monster. Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll never know but sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.

Leonard: I'm going to pick you up at 8. I'm going to show you a night that you will never forget.
Raj: (Excitedly) Where are we going?

Leonard: You convinced me. Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet?
Sheldon: You don't think that crosses a line?
Leonard: Yes! For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?

Leonard: I missed you.
Penny: You see me all the time. You sure you don't just miss the sex?
Leonard: Well, yeah, the sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
Penny: I have. You're not wrong.

Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.

Sheldon: Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
Leonard: No. Do you?
Sheldon: I think I'm hysterical.
Leonard: I take it back. That was funny!

Penny: Well you wouldn't have asked me either.
Leonard: I would have asked you. In my head. On the way home. While I was having a good cry.