Sheldon: You've spent time with Amy, can you think of anything she's fond of that has a bunch of flaws she hasn't noticed?
Leonard: ... I got to go.

Penny: Sheldon, you wanna take a break? Your food's ready.
Leonard: What are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and big foot at the same time.

Wil Wheaton: I've just been handed a note. I'm going to read it. "Wil, do you want more Diet Coke? Also, we have juice."
Leonard: I didn't want to interrupt.

Penny: Okay, instead of protecting me, why don't you try being excited when something good happens?
Leonard: I'm always excited for you. I'm excited that you found this new job where you're making decent money.
Penny: Decent? I make twice what you make.
Leonard: Wait, twice?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Like times two, twice?

Penny: Leonard, why are you making such a big deal out of this? So our roles have changed a bit over the last couple of years. That's the way life is. And I'm sure, in time, they'll change again.
Leonard: Great. Not only are you more successful than me. Now you're more mature.

Penny: I think it's so adorable you're making Sheldon breakfast.
Leonard: Well, he's having a rough time. Amy broke his heart, the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who, that crow followed him home.

Leonard: Guys, tickets already went on sale.
Sheldon: What?
Howard: They're not supposed to be available yet.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, but they're already available.
Raj: Wait, are you sure they're Star Wars tickets?
Leonard: No, it's Steel Magnolias 2: Even Steelier.

Sheldon: Carbon. Hydrogen. Carbon. Carbon. And last but not least, carbon.
Leonard: This might be the glue talking, but that was a very pleasurable 139 and a half hours.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.

Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.

Leonard: The robot hand got stuck on your what?

Leonard: Top of her class, Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries. And your face.

Penny: What about Howard and Raj? How did he become friends with them?
Leonard: I dunno. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
Penny: Sure, when you put it like that.

Penny: God, what is wrong with me.
Leonard: Nothing, you're perfect.
Penny: Gah, I'm not perfect.
Leonard: Yes you are.
Penny: You really think so, don't you? [kisses Leonard]
Leonard: Penny?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: How much have you had to drink tonight?
Penny: Just…. a lot.
Leonard: Are you sure that your being drunk, and your being angry with Kurt doesn't have something to do with what's going on here?
Penny: It might. Boy, you're really smart.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm a frickin' genius.

Leonard:What am I supposed to say? Sure, Penny, I'm cool with having your old boyfriend sleep in your apartment.
Leonard imitating Penny: Well, Leonard, it doesn't matter if you're cool or not, 'cause I'm penny and I'm pretty and I can do whatever the hell I want.