Penny: You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Please can I do it with him, please.

Penny: Ok, here's the deal. You either help me throw Leonard a birthday party or, so help me God, I will go into your bedroom and I will unbag all of your most valuable mint condition comic books. And on one of them, you won't know which, I'll draw a tiny happy face.
Sheldon: You can't do that. If you make a mark on a mint comic book, it's no longer mint.
Penny: Sheldon, do you understand the concept of blackmail?

Penny: Leonard. You're not only the love of my life. You're my best friend. And you've got a friend in me. You got troubles. I got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We stick together and we can see it through, because you've got a friend in me.

Leonard: He really worked with the Drug Enforcement Agency?
Penny: He didn't know it 'til he was cuffed, but yeah.

Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "God bless you," and then you would say "If you must invoke an imaginary deity, how about Thor?" And I would say, "How do you know I didn't mean Thor?" And then you would say "Touche," and that there ends the tale of why I no longer say "God bless you."
Sheldon: Well, we have had some fun, haven't we?
Penny: Oh, yeah.

Penny: We're putting the play on for one night in this little 99-seat theater. Can you come? Oh great! Do you know 98 other people that might want to come?

Penny: Amy, little vixen. Just working it under all those layers of wool and polyester.

Mary: Could the reason you can't find a guy is because you're letting them ride the rollercoaster without buying a ticket?
Penny: Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.

Penny: You keep him there a little longer, and when you get to the party, I'll point out which of my friends are easy.
Howard: Don't toy with me, woman.
Penny: I got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem. I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around, and an alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.
Howard: Thy will be done.

Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!

Penny: Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes. On purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant, and his skin has that pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Penny: I just wanna check her out because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now?
Bernadette: You! Because you just called him your Indian friend.
Penny: Yeah, well ... you're short.

Bernadette: Stuart took that rejection like a pro.
Penny: Well, he knew he was on the breast cam.
Amy: I don't have much practice turning men down. It wasn't so much fun.
Bernadette: Oh, you get used to it. Some guys you have to turn down over and over.
Penny: And sometimes we marry them anyway.

Penny: What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?