Raj: Oh, the movie's not as bad as you thought?
Penny: No, it is. But I decided instead of complaining about it, I'm going to go in every day and give it my all.
Amy: Good for you.
Penny: Thanks. There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bi-sexual, go-go dancer, slowly transforming into a killer gorilla, anyone's ever seen.

Sheldon: I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls.
Penny: It's okay, honey, no one has.

Penny: And remember, he's more afraid of you than you are of him.
Sheldon: That doesn't help.
Penny: No, I was talking to the bird.

Penny: Okay, glasses off. Find Waldo.

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Penny: Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.
Leonard: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.

Raj: I'd like for at least one of us to see some action, so if you guys happen to have sex it's cool if she stays in the room.
Penny: Same goes for the two of you (Howard & Bernadette) with Amy.

Leonard: I thought this was gonna be boring but it's actually kinda fun.
Penny: Don't tell Amy that; we'll be here every Sunday.

Amy: Sheldon told me he had a new assistant named Alex. He didn't mention that Alex was a girl.
Penny: Maybe he didn't notice.

Penny: Well, of course he's desirable. I mean, he's great. He's smart, he's sweet and, ooh, in the bedroom, whew, let me tell you he really tries.

Penny: There, nice and comfy cosy. Zero, zero, zero.
Sheldon: There's one more zero. You forgot the time parameter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Leonard: I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.
Penny: Again, it was miniature golf.
Leonard: Admit it, you're a little turned on.
Penny: You can't be this proud.
Leonard: Why not?
Penny: Because I beat you.

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of it.
Penny: Well, didn't he do a lot of the work?
Leonard: But now he's happy to let everyone think he's responsible for everything.
Penny: And that's why you get an iPad helicopter.

Penny: I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, "Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill".
Wil Wheaton: Uh, spoiler alert. After the monkey sees, it kills.