Amy: I'm gonna go look for other shoes.
Penny: Good luck. I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.

Leonard: So you're actually okay with invading your friend's privacy?
Penny: You're not curious who she's out with?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: But you're curious about aluminum cans. You're a weird little guy.

Leonard: Okay. Now, what I'm hearing is that you feel that I sometimes take too long to express myself, and you wish I'd be more succinct.
Penny: You're only hearing that because I cannot roll my eyes any louder.

Sheldon: I don't think I can go back out there.
Penny: That's fine. You know, I hate that your sister and her friends used to torture you. But what I hate even more is, if I was there, I would have tortured you, too.
Sheldon: Based on this pep talk, I'd say you're still doing it.
Penny: My point is, there was a time I never would've been friends with someone like you, and now you are one of my favorite people. So, if what you need is to spend your birthday in a bathroom, I'm happy to do it with you.
Sheldon: Well, everyone will think I'm weird.
Penny: Sweetie, you are weird. Everyone knows you're weird, but they're all still here because they care about you so much.

Penny: Oh, good, you're up. Look, my car won't start. I need a ride to work.
Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?
Penny: No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.
Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.

Penny: Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?!

Bert: It makes sense you two are friends. I mean, hot girls always stick together.
Amy: And you thought this wasn't gonna be a great party.
Penny: You know, I had no idea Caltech is exactly like my high school.
Amy: Well, it's not exactly like it. We're all extremely smart.
Penny: Wow. You popular girls are mean.

Leonard: Should we give them their privacy?
Penny: I want to, but I don't think I can.
Sheldon: (from across the hall) Whoopee!
Penny: Okay, I'm good now.

Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Haven't seen you in a while. How's it going?
Sheldon: Oh, other than waiting out the exponential growth period of the virulent organisms trooping through my micro-villi into my circulatory system, hunky-dory. (Penny laughs) Did I say something amusing?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe, I have no idea what you said.

Penny: No, I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book. It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.

Penny: Oh, hi! I was just dropping off a cheesecake to Sheldon. He was robbed of a bunch of imaginary crap that's useful in a make-believe place.
Priya: I don't know what that means.
Penny: Yeah, well, sadly, I do.

Penny: You guys should've seen Leonard when I first met him. There was no eye contact. He was either looking up at the ceiling, or down at his shoes.
Amy: I'm drunk.
Penny: You know, for the first couple of months, whenever I would take off my bra, he would giggle and say, oh boy, my breast friends.

Penny: Hi. We're just heading out for a drink.
Amy: Because I do that now.
Bernadette: Count your blessings you're not a Tanzanian chimp.
Priya: What?
Penny: Don't listen to her, she's had a lot of ice cream.

Penny: Oh, thank you very much. Come back soon. With the other half of my tip.

Penny: What did you need the kit for?
Amy: Oh, um Sh-Sheldon was squatting down to pick up a fork and he ripped his pants.
Penny: Oh, someone's gonna be sore tomorrow.