Penny: You know what? I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
Leonard: Penny, I can still drive you.
Penny: Oh, no, no, it's okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.
Penny: Oh. What?
Sheldon: I want her to feel at home. I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Penny: Wait, wait, hold on, back up. You're having a woman stay with you?
Sheldon: Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not flabbergasted. I'm puzzled. Yeah, let's go with puzzled.

Leonard: Just think, this time tomorrow we'll be in Geneva, Switzerland for our first Valentine's Day.
Penny: I know! I went shopping today and bought special undies for the occasion.
Leonard: Thermal? 'cause it's gonna be cold.
Penny: Think it through, Leonard.

Leonard: But it does involve air travel. Okay, um, let me slice this Swiss cheese with my Swiss army knife, and then you can wash it down with a cup of Swiss Miss instant cocoa.
Penny: Okay, I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?

Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: It's not Saturday night. Why are you doing your laundry?
Sheldon: This is not my laundry.
Penny: Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her.
Sheldon: Those are Howard's.
Penny: Ugh.

Penny: Why are you washing Howard's man panties?
Sheldon: Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know. He's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Leonard: I can't believe we actually did it.
Howard: 1,000 friggin' Penny Blossoms.
Penny: I just want you guys to know I am really grateful for your help, and for every dollar I make, I'm going to give you 20 cents.
Howard: That's your entire profit margin.
Penny: Oh. Then never mind.

Sheldon: Alright, let me put it this way. Your gross receipts on this one order will be over $3,000 for one night's work.
Penny: You guys get started.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: Going online to buy shoes!

Sheldon: She's still not answering.
Leonard: My father's not texting me back.
Penny: 'cause they both turned their phones off.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
Leonard: I don't like it either.
Penny: Really? 'cause I love it.

Leonard: Penny, I've always known I loved you, but this last year has shown me that I also love being married to you. Thank you for saying yes.
Penny: Oh, thanks for asking until I did.

Penny: Well, then it's settled. Yay. So funny. I never thought my second marriage would be to you.

Leonard: Hey.
Penny: Hi, how was the screening?
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon invoked Rosa Parks to make somebody who cut the line feel bad, but only the white people felt bad.
Penny: Ugh, I should've never bought him that colouring book that explains Black History Month.

Penny: Hey, look, then forget about her, let's do it for us. We could keep it small and informal. This time we can invite our families.
Leonard: Is your brother out of prison?
Penny: Thanks to overcrowding, yeah.

Penny: Wow. Okay. Well, um, how about this? Maybe while you're still in town, Leonard and I could have another small ceremony. You know, if you're interested.
Beverly: I would find that perfectly acceptable.
Penny: She would find it perfectly acceptable. You guys saw it. We bonded!

Beverly: I'm still human, Penny. Not getting invited to my own son's wedding is difficult to ignore.
Amy: I know how you feel. She didn't invite any of us.
Penny: It was spur of the moment.
Bernadette: But we did get to see a live stream of it on the Internet.
Beverly: I could've watched it on the Internet?
Penny: (Sarcastically to Bernadette) Thank you.