Howard: Go get yourself some rebound stress release.
Raj: Technically, it would only be rebound if he and Penny had actually engaged in physical intimacy.
Howard: You mean like you and Richard the slave girl?
Raj: I bought him dinner and we kissed once. That was it. And he told me his name was Kimberly.

Raj: How come I wasn't part of this deal?
Sheldon: You had left the refreshment stand in prder to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
Raj: So, that's how it works? I have a teeny bladder and I don't get a hot girlfriend.
Howard: Yeah, Raj, that's how it works.
Raj: Damn!

Raj: I plan on leveling up in the game, not my swimsuit size, thank you very much.

Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a sex swing. (Looking at his flask) This may have been a mistake.

Raj: If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.

Raj: I do have a pretty balls-to-the-wall moisturizing regimen.

Raj: My heart is stone. From now on, I'm a monk. I renounce all worldly pleasures. Except for lobster. And garlic butter.

Raj: I guess you could say Raj is my name and stars are my game.

Raj: Oh my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she?

Raj: I mean, if I were hitting on you, you’d know it 'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.

Raj: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Raj: There are just some things I feel more comfortable sharing with the girls. Because they won't make fun of me, or call me names, or ask me if my Koothrapanties are in a bunch.

Lucy: I'm kinda seeing someone.
Raj: I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear. It's not me, right?

Raj: Ha ha, very funny. Make fun of the foreign guy. For your information, there are four times as many Indians as Americans so the way we say it is right.
Howard: Say what?
Raj: "Moose-stache".

Raj: I just want you to know I'm happy to look in on Bernadette while you're gone.
Howard: Thank you.
Raj: And if anything were to happen to you, we will name our first born son Howard. I'm just kidding, we'll name him Daleep after my grandfather.