Leonard: Don't a lot of famous actors get their start doing bad movies?
Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again".
Raj: If she did it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.

Raj: I give you one simple thing to do: contact a complete stranger and make her fall in love with me, and you blow it!

Raj: Hello, Emily.
Emily: Hello.
Raj: Amy told me you were concerned that I might be too passive and shy. Let me ask you something: would a passive guy barge in here to look you in the eye and say "Hey, dew-kissed flower. What's up?".
Emily: No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.
Raj: Okay, that's a separate issue. Let's put a pin that and just focus on the passive thing.

Raj: Not my best first date, but not my worst either.

Raj: You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life.

Raj: But before I take my shirt off, I need like ten minutes to do some crunches.

Stuart: I was wondering if I could crash at your place for a few nights.
Raj: Sure, of course. Oh, actually Emily was going to spend the night.
Stuart: You slept with her? Nice.
Raj: I can't take all the credit. She let me do it to her.

Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. [to his dog] Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here.

Raj: When stuff like this gets me down, you know what I like to do?
Howard: Sing Hakuna Matata like an eight-year-old girl?
Raj: Wrong, smarty pants. It's "Everything is Awesome" from the Lego Movie.

Raj: If you people think this is better than Tom Hanks-Giving, you're all crazy.

Howard: How are you today, Mr. Can You Believe These Jackasses?
Raj: Just dandy, Mr. I Wish I Was Better At Improv.

Lucy: I'm kind of broken.
Raj: That's great. I'm broken, too.
Lucy: Oh, no you're not.
Raj: Oh, I totally am. If it wasn't for this beer, I couldn't even talk to you right now. I'm a wreck. There are many things seriously wrong with me. And not quirks, either. Like diagnosable psychological problems. Maybe brain damage.
Lucy: Well how do I know you're not just saying that?
Raj: Go out with me on one date. I promise you, you'll see.

Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.

Howard: Ow. Damn, paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut.
Raj: Well, obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

Bernadette: You helped him?
Raj: No, Stuart picked out those throw pillows all on his own.