Ramona Nowitzki: No, my work doesn't leave me a lot of time for relationships.
Raj: I think you made that very clear.

Raj: We're being ridiculous. There's no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: You done trying to make yourself feel better?
Raj: No. I haven't played the race card yet.

Jimmy Speckerman: Okay. What do you think about a pair of glasses that makes any movie you want into 3D?
Raj: That sounds amazing. First movie I'm watching, Annie.

Sheldon: The man Super Glued Hershey's Kisses to your nipples.
Raj: That's funny because those aren't the kind of kisses you want on your nipples.

Raj: You know who I blame for my loneliness? The United States of America. Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved with beautiful blond women with big bazongas.
Howard: Eat another pie, youll have your own bazongas.
Raj: That's cruel. You know it goes straight to my hips.

Howard: She says it's nice to meet you.
Raj: Does she really mean that or was she signing it sarcastically?

Raj: Okay, as soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it, I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf. I was thinking, hey, did you hear the one about..? Oh, no, I bet you didn't.
Howard: Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.

Raj: Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
Howard: Really? That's the first thing you want to say?
Raj: I worked on it all night. Use it.
Howard: Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
Raj: Then spell it.
Howard: I don't know how to spell it.
Raj: You're blowing this for me!

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.

Raj: Let's see, what else can I tell you about me that would make you like me? Ooh, I love music. Do you love music?
Howard: You really want to ask her that?
Raj: You're right. Everyone loves music.

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a boy band called Frankie Goes to Bollywood. But I couldn't get any other boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backup dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Penny: Oh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better.
Raj: Seriously? I'm heartbroken and you’re hitting on me?
Penny: What? No!
Raj: Look, Penny, you're great, but I had a long talk with my parents, and they said if I date an Indian girl, I get a Maserati.

Raj: Okay, that's a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.
Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?
Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. That can't just be a coincidence.

Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again. It's a wild ride.

Raj: I think it's lovely you call your mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
Howard: Don't you talk about my mother’s boobies!
Raj: If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.