Howard: Next time we go to kick someone's ass, we take the train.
Sheldon: I always prefer the train.

Leonard: Okay, let's get clear on something. We're just going to tell this guy to transfer all of your stuff back into your account and then be on our way. No one's batlething anybody.
Sheldon: So my blade shall not taste blood tonight?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, now I just feel silly holding it.

Sheldon: Are you Todd Zarnecki?
Todd Zarnecki: Yeah. Who are you?
Sheldon: I am Sheldor of Azeroth. I want my things back.
Todd Zarnecki: I don't think so. Let me see that.
Sheldon: Careful. That's a collectible.
Todd Zarnecki: I know. I've always wanted one. (Closes door, taking Sheldon's bat'leth)
Sheldon: Well, he's even more cunning than we thought.

Leonard: Well, we'd better call somebody to come pick us up.
Sheldon: It'd be swell if they had a train.

Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Huh. Looks like you've been busy.
Sheldon: Oh, I have. Uh, dark matter, uh, reconciling gravity and quantum mechanics. Supersymmetry. I've figured out the biggest problems in physics today.
Amy: Wow, you solved them all?
Sheldon: No, I just, I figured out that they're the biggest problems.

Sheldon: Read it back to me?
Leonard: Oh, hang on. "Yes, one might question the $20 billion "to build and run the Large Hadron Collider, but on the other hand..."
Sheldon: Okay. Um, oh, oh! "On the other hand, contrary to predictions, the collider didn't create a small black hole that devoured the Earth and life as we know it." So, money well spent.

Leonard: This is depressing. Do you have any alcohol around here?
Sheldon: Uh, not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop.

Sheldon: Some news of our wedding. I have sent you all a "save the date" e-mail.
Penny: Oh, exciting. You guys picked a date?
Sheldon: Better. I picked 80 dates. And I need you to save them all until we narrow it down.

Sheldon: When the toupee licked my hand I screamed and hopped down the street on my remaining flip-flop.
Amy: Can I just ask?
Sheldon: No, this is a long story. Why don't we please save your questions till the end?

Amy: Is there anything I can do to help?
Sheldon: Yes. I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonnire and close-toed shoes and a a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.

Sheldon: I call this meeting of the Council of Sheldons to order. Let's take roll. Science Sheldon?
Science Sheldon: Present.
Sheldon: Texas Sheldon?
Texas Sheldon: Howdy.
Sheldon: Fanboy Sheldon?
Fanboy Sheldon: Greetings.
Sheldon: Germaphobe Sheldon?
Germaphobe Sheldon: Say it, don't spray it.
Humorous Sheldon: Where's Jock Sheldon?
Sheldon: Not the time, Humorous Sheldon!

Leonard: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard: She lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.

Sheldon: The horror!
Penny: Sheldon, I'm sure it's going to be fine.
Sheldon: No, it's not going to be fine. Change is never fine. They say it is, but it's not.

Raj: Are there any chopsticks?
Sheldon: You don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food.
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.
Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.

Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow Sun.
Howard: Yeah, and you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?
Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.