Young Sheldon: Now just to make sure it's really you watching this and not an imposter, what am I thinking of? On the count of three. One, two, three.
Sheldon: Robot monkey butler.
Young Sheldon: Robot monkey butler. Okay, good.

Leonard: Well, apparently, Zack sold his company for a ton of money and retired.
Sheldon: And that bothers you?
Leonard: I don't know. I mean I guess so. Yeah. It doesn't seem fair. I work hard.
I'm really smart. I've made substantial contributions to my field. But Zack gets to be rich, while I'm still working for a paycheck?
Sheldon: Well, a lot of people you don't know are rich. That doesn't seem to bother you. Mark Zuckerberg, Sultan of Brunei, Gordon Letwin.
Leonard: Who's that?
Sheldon: He's one of the first 11 employees of Microsoft.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I don't have to hang out with Gordon Letwin.
Sheldon: Well, that's too bad. He helped create the HPFS file system. Oh, the stories he could tell.

Amy: The last time we were in this room, we were getting married.
Sheldon: I remember. It's a lot less impressive without Mark Hamill in it.
Amy: That's what you said about our honeymoon.
Sheldon: And I stand by it.

Sheldon: Amy and I did this together, and I will not be part of an award that does not recognize the value of her contributions. So you either include both of us in the recommendation letter, or don't bother writing one.
President Siebert: I hope you know that's going to cause a fight between us and the Fermilab team.
Sheldon: If it's a fight that doesn't involve any touching, risk of physical harm or uncomfortable eye contact 'cause it's happening online or through intermediaries, I say bring it.

Stuart: Yeah, this one made me go for ice cream and talk about her day. Spoiler alert: it was fine.
Amy: It wasn't fine. I got trapped in an elevator.
Sheldon: I may have missed a few details. The bottom of my cone was drippy.

Bernadette: Watch what happens when you move.
Sheldon: Oh! Oh, boy, you weren't kidding. Oh, those are 10,000 lumens if they're a lumen.
Howard: Well, you know what they say: when life give you lumens, make lumen-Ade. [chuckles]
Sheldon: Was that a joke?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: Based on the premise that "lumen" sounds like "lemon"?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: [chuckles] That's hilarious.

Sheldon: Are you saying I'm standing on an unpermitted deck?
Howard: It's been here for years, Sheldon. It's fine.
Sheldon: How did the inspector not flag this when he came to check out your bathroom renovation?
Howard: Uh...
Sheldon: Are you telling me that I have showered in an uninspected bathroom?
Bernadette: You showered in our house?
Sheldon: You made me hold your children. What did you expect me to do?

Sheldon: Kids' Choice Award? Why would they let kids choose anything? They're basically human larvae.
Wil Wheaton: Well, they are kind of our target audience.
Sheldon: Greetings, children. Toys, am I right?
Amy: He is. He has hundreds of them.

Amy: Okay, imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon: Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract n-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.

Wil Wheaton: Oh, was that a doorbell?
Amy: I didn't hear anything.
Wil Wheaton: [doorbell rings] Huh, there it is again. Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
Sheldon: But I don't know who it is.
Wil Wheaton: Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you. Why don't you open it up and find out.
Sheldon: This is a terrible message to send to children. Children, you never open the door if you don't know who's on the other side. You always make your mommy or daddy do it while you hide under the bed and try to imagine what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
Amy: I'll get it.
Sheldon: But it can't be the Silver Shadow. That's mine.

Amy: Hey, good news. They're inviting several Nobel Laureates to our reception.
Sheldon: Oh, great, like who?
Amy: Uh, Makoto Kobayashi.
Sheldon: Ooh.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: Well, I may have been less than kind to him about his Nobel Prize win.
Amy: Why?
Sheldon: I was jealous, angry and new to Twitter. It was a dangerous combination.
Amy: Okay, so scratch Kobayashi.

Leonard: So you need these people's support and you're sending them baked goods?
Penny: Yeah, they're pretty smart. Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe?
Sheldon: No, you'd think, but sometimes brilliant people can be painfully oblivious to social cues.
Penny: Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Anytime.

Howard: This is a twist. Usually you're the one getting called into H.R.
Raj: Yeah, now it's Amy. Who knew you were married to such a bad girl.
Sheldon: I suppose the signs were always there. I mean, she did recently go to that rave at the mall.
Amy: It was a Spencer's Gifts.
Sheldon: There was music and a strobe light. If that isn't a rave, then I don't know what one is.
Leonard: You don't know what one is.

Sheldon: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, Purr, purr, purr.
Amy: That helps.
Sheldon: Shh, I'm singing.

Penny: No. Sweetie, you shouldn't do things that make you feel bad.
Leonard: Well, I'm doing this.
Sheldon: And of course he is. He is a textbook satisficer.
Leonard: That's not even a word.
Sheldon: Uh, yes, it is. According to Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert Simon, satisficing is a decision-making strategy whereby a person accepts whatever available option is satisfactory rather than seeking out a course of action that would make him happiest, as I just did when I explained what satisficing was.
Raj: He's right. No one wanted to hear that. He knew it, yet he plowed ahead.