Sheldon: Hey, it's not even called the "Genius Grant," it's the MacArthur Fellowship. Just like it's not Frankenstein, it's "Frankenstein's Monster." Which brings us back to that hulking simpleton over there. And if anyone's a genius, it's me for the way I brought that full circle.

Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

Sheldon: And guess where we get to sleep? Our choice of a turn-of-the-century railway bunkhouse or a working caboose. Now, the problem with a caboose is there's no bathroom, but the problem with the bunkhouse is it's not a caboose.

Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Sheldon: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
Amy: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Sheldon: That lady has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".

Sheldon: I'm always honest with Amy. The other day she said she was self-conscious about the beauty mark on her shoulder, and I said, "You know, you can call that a beauty mark all you want. When there's hair growing out of it, that's a mole."
Leonard: Do you think she's as honest with you?
Sheldon: I should hope so. When she called me an insensitive jerk, I'd like to think she meant it.

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.

Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind. It's a list of this year's panelists. It's long, isn't it?

Sheldon: Hey, Raj, I owe you an apology. Look, could you please put your dog on a leash?
Raj: Sheldon, she's fine.
Sheldon: Well, then at least hold her still so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Sheldon: Oh, and FYI, if you cry while they're fighting they'll take you to McDonald's.

Sheldon: Beverly believes I unconsciously consider my old room an escape hatch.
Amy: Is that bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes. I don't care for unconscious thoughts. My brain and I are best friends. It should tell me everything.
Amy: I mean, how it relates to our relationship, not the bromance between you and your brain.

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.

Raj: I haven't had much success meeting people online.
Bert: I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.
Sheldon: What'd you do, delete your photo?
Amy: Go.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: And don't you slam that door.
Sheldon: Aw, man.

Amy: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
Bert: She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen.
Sheldon: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?

Raj: Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.
Bert: Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love. I might break up with Rebecca.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Raj: I think it shows a lot of character.
Bert: I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.
Sheldon: (laughs) That's a good one. Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.