Sheldon: I'm not sure how to respond, Leonard. I don't own Amy. You can't own a person, at least not since?
*Leonard stares at him*
Sheldon: 1863. When President Lincoln freed the?
*Leonard looks fed up*
Sheldon: Slaves. Come on, Leonard. If you're gonna teach history, these are the kind of facts you'll have to know.

Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If you would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.

Sheldon: Tweet that, tweetie bird.

Raj: (Talking to the snake) Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice.
Sheldon: I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper. You're better than this.

Sheldon: You can lead a chicken to crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.

Sheldon: I'm trying to raise the temperature in here before my nipples tear through my shirt.

Sheldon: The two of you need to get your women in line!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Last night, I was strong armed into an evening of harp music and spooning with an emotional Amy Farrah Fowler. This on a night that I had originally designated for solving the space time geometry in higher spin gravity and building my Lego death star. And why? Because your gal pals, Penny and Bernadette, went out shopping for some wedding nonsense without Amy. An action they took with no thought or regard as to how it would affect me, the future of string theory, or my Lego fun time!
Howard: What do you want us to do about it?
Sheldon: You clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence. Get your women in line! You make them apologize to Amy and set things right. I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle bunny!
Leonard: Why do I have to talk to Penny? She's not my girlfriend.
Sheldon: You invited her to lunch four years ago. Everything about her is on you. You make it so!

Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you've been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.

Todd Zarnecki: Who is it?
Sheldon: Your doom.

Sheldon: No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.

Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sex after 3 dates.
Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date the social interaction or date the dried fruit?

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Howard: I've been up all night. I had a fight with Bernadette.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: She bought me a nice watch.
Sheldon: Leonard, do you understand any of this?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Talk to him.

Penny: So, how've you been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.

Sheldon: Well that's no threat, my mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: Curses.

Sheldon: That's going to make me a chick magnet and I'm so busy as it is.