Ms. Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the confusion here. No, no. Alex thought I was singling her out. No, I meant that all woman are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.

Sheldon: But I came to file a complaint. Somebody has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace by using language of an inappropriate and sexual nature.
Ms. Davis: And who was that?
Sheldon: You, you dirty birdie. I thought about the things you said to me yesterday, and I realized I'm deeply offended. Now, be a dear and get me one of those complaint forms.

Sheldon: And thanks to you, I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. And based on your behavior, I don't have to.

Howard: You're out of your mind, Sheldon.
Sheldon: That's a negative. My mother had me tested. Over.

Leonard: Sheldon, you are not in charge.
Sheldon: That's mighty sassy for a man with a roommate performance review around the corner.

Sheldon: FYI, secret keeping? Hate it. Hand-holding? Not a fan. Hammerhead shark? I love that thing. Yeah, it's another fish with a tool on its head.

Leonard: Okay, I think I understand.
Sheldon: You do?
Leonard: The guy who seems like an emotionless robot is you, but your relationship with Amy is causing you to transform into a red-blooded man with sexual desires.
Sheldon: That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Sheldon: Leonard, maybe you'd like to go with them to meet girls.
Leonard: Why would I be interested? I have Penny.
Sheldon: Yeah, for now. But that woman has a death wish, Leonard. She talks to strangers, she pets unfamiliar dogs, and it is ridiculously easy to break into her apartment. If I were you, I'd get a back-up.

Raj: Hey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist.
Sheldon: A customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression that we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centers.
Raj: Oh, very clever. But still racist.
Sheldon: Duly noted, Steve from Wichita.

Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant?
Sheldon: Because the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.

Sheldon: Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder.
Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.
Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.

Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.

Amy: I think I'm gonna try green tea mixed with lemon zinger.
Sheldon: Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon: Couples costumes are one of the few benefits of being in a relationship. Now imagine this, you and I entering Stuart's party and all eyes turn to see America's most beloved and glamorous couple.
Amy: Yeah?
Sheldon: R2-D2 and C-3PO. Dibs on 3PO.

Sheldon: How about one of the most beguiling and influential couples of the 20th century? Hewlett and Packard. Dibs on Hewlett.
What? You want to be Hewlett?