Leonard: Well, if you can vote yourself in, then we can vote you out.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Fine. Make a motion at the next meeting.
Leonard: When is that?
Sheldon: It's the first Saturday of every month. Unless there's an emergency meeting.
Penny: Then we call an emergency meeting.
Sheldon: You really don't have to. This is the first Saturday of the month.

Raj: In order to corroborate your string theory research, you'd have to create a black hole. Wouldn't that destroy the Earth?
Sheldon: Perhaps, but we'd all go to the grave knowing I was right.

Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard: What does that have to do with me and women?
Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon: No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste.

Leonard: Want to get that?
Sheldon: Not particularly.
Leonard: Could you get that?
Sheldon: I suppose I could if I were asked.
Leonard: Would you please get that?
Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?

Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?
Agent Page: I'm afraid not. Is there anything else?
Sheldon: Is there anything else? Where would you like to start? He refuses to pay fines when he's overdue with books I lend him. He crashed the Mars Rover while attempting to impress a woman. He recommended that I go see the third Matrix movie because it was, and I quote, just as good as the first one. If that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is.
Agent Page: The Mars Rover?
Sheldon: Did I say Mars Rover?
Agent Page: You did.
Sheldon: That was actually a poorly chosen example, as it had nothing to do with me.

Leonard: Why can't you sleep?
Sheldon: Who knows? I haven't watched any scary movies recently. I'm no longer obsessing over why the predicted mass of the quantum vacuum has little effect on the expansion of the universe. And it's been weeks since I took that accidental sip of Red Bull.

Sheldon: Thank you for agreeing to see me, Agent Page.
Agent Page: Thank you for filing a complaint with my superior, Dr. Cooper. I understand you want to recant your statement about Howard Wolowitz.
Sheldon: Yes.
Agent Page: Was your statement untrue?
Sheldon: No.
Agent Page: Then I'm afraid you can't withdraw it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I don't recall you saying no backsies.

Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James “Jimmy” Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.

Sheldon: Let’s see. Harvey Wallbanger. Eh. Sex on the Beach. I hardly think so. Rob Roy, Silk Slipper, Mad Hatter. Ooh! I'll have a Rosewater Ricky.

Sheldon: Howard, you're feeling better about me today, aren't you?
Howard: Not really.
Sheldon: Yes, you are. I'm using neurolinguistic programming to modify your thought patterns.
Howard: Oh. Go away, Sheldon.
Sheldon: There's a nine-ninety-five e-book down the drain.

Amy: Leonard, you are not letting Sheldon go alone this weekend.
Sheldon: I am a grown man. I don't need somebody to chaperone me. I just need him to drop me off, pick me up, and pack me a sack lunch.

Sheldon: Well, just be careful, and use protection.
Amy: What do you think is gonna happen?
Sheldon: I don't know. But it's going to be sunny, and you burn easily.

Leonard: When I said you should make a playlist for the road trip, I meant music.
Sheldon: This is better than music, this is a lecture on nonlinear time.
Raj: Sounds like it's just on regular time.
Sheldon: Yes, but I put it on shuffle.

Doctor Wolcott: Dr. Cooper. Uh, who are these people?
Sheldon: Oh, these are my friends. I wrote about them in my letter.
Doctor Wolcott: Oh, letter? I didn't get a letter.
Sheldon: Well, that's because I just sent it this morning, you know? So score one for linear time.