Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 259 of 262
Quote from the episode The Lizard-Spock Expansion
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative
Sheldon: Studies are shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone or drinking coffee while driving reduces ones reaction time by the same factors as ounce of alcohol.
Quote from the episode The Nerdvana Annihilation
Sheldon: Are you upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well, it was a number of things. First, the late hour, then you demeanor seems very low energy, plus your irritability.
Leonard: Yes, I'm upset!
Sheldon: Oh. I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Sheldon: (walks away and then turns back) Oh, wait. Did you want to talk about what's bothering you?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I'm on fire tonight.
Quote from the episode The Friendship Algorithm
Sheldon: (After Leonard whistles) First warning.
Quote from the episode The Friendship Algorithm
Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
Quote from the episode The Friendship Algorithm
Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?
Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency
Howard: Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're insane.
Leonard: That may well be, but the fact is it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.
Sheldon: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. And I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis
Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.
Leonard: Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It would be a more merciful death.
Quote from the episode The Middle-Earth Paradigm
Sheldon: Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system.
Kurt: You're a zebra, right?
Sheldon: (to Leonard) Yet another child left behind.
Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis
Penny: Now, honey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.
Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.
Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast, the moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps.
Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis
Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect
Penny: I always say that when one door closes, another one opens.
Sheldon: No it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
Penny: Never mind.
Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect
Sheldon: I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
Penny: So you got canned, huh?
Sheldon: Theoretical physicists do not get 'canned'. But yeah.
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