Sheldon: (to Leonard, who has decided to give up on Penny) Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don't crash into Geek Mountain again.

Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.

Sheldon: Rock - Paper - Scissors - Lizard - Spock

Sheldon: Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale.

Leonard: Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a Power Ring.

Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home!
Sheldon: This isn't anyone's 'home'. This is a swirling vortex of entropy.

Leonard: Most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.

Sheldon: I'm sorry but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV Series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.

Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Onion rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did you protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well then what took you so long?

Sheldon: I'm surprised you struck out with Penny. Apparently she's a big ol' five.

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

Sheldon: Oh Mario, if only I could control everyone the way I control you. Hop, you little plumber. Hop, hop hop!

Sheldon: Danger! Danger!

Sheldon: What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

Sheldon: 1234 is not a secure password.