Leonard: Wanna catch me up?
Sheldon: Well, let's see. She attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. She hasn't had sex in 6 months, and she ate a fly.
Leonard: Uh-huh. Seriously, 6 months?

Leonard: It's going to be difficult to find something you are both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you are both equally bad at?
Sheldon and Kripke: Sports.

Sheldon: Everyone knows that I'm our group's resident cut-up.

Sheldon: Yeah, I'm definitely going with colonoscopy.
Leonard: Okay, bye. (Off the phone) My mother's coming for a visit.
Howard: How about that, you were right.

Sheldon: Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. [pause]. Odd, he's usually met by cheers.

Sheldon: I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard.

Sheldon: I assume we're talking about you now?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: So that's how this works, I complain and then you complain and no one offers any solutions?
Leonard: Pretty much.
Sheldon: Well no wonder the women are winning.

Sheldon: I'm not a child. I know the word 'ninny.'

Sheldon: I'm prepared to say I love it, as soon as I confirm there are no hobos aboard.

Sheldon: Amy, you're a neruobiologist. Get in there and spray some Raid.

Amy: Sheldon, I am not doing Fun with Flags with you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Amy: Because we're broken up!
Sheldon: Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
Amy: No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
Sheldon: You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, because you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.

Leonard: Not only that Sheldon saved my life, but that he didn't report me to the landlord, or the police, or homeland security.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: (Sarcastic) When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight!

Raj: Water Demon.
Howard: Ice Dragon.
Leonard: Lesser Warlord of Kaa.
Sheldon: Not so fast. Infinite Sheldon.
Leonard: Infinite Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes, Infinite Sheldon defeats all other cards and does not violate the rule against homemade cards because I made it at work.
Leonard: Do you understand why people dont want to play with you?
Sheldon: No, although its a question Ive been pondering since preschool.

Sheldon: How am I gonna get to work.
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: But I can't take the bus. They don't have seat belts. And they won't let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords.
Leonard: You tried to latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords?
Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.