Interviewer: I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready?
Amy: Sheldon, are you ready?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Interviewer: Great. So, Dr. Cooper, my first question is for you.
Sheldon: Oh, goody.
Interviewer: Would you say that your paper is an extension of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski?
Sheldon: ... I'll be in the car.

Wolowitz: You said you were going for a walk.
Sheldon: I didn't say outside.

Sheldon: Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.

Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets.

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: Um, I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests. Here. It's college-ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating.

Sheldon: The Hindu Code of Manu is very clear in these matters. If a woman's father is not around, the duty of controlling her base desires falls to the closest male member of her family. In this case, Raj. The code also states that if she disobeys, she will be reborn in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases. If true, that seems like an awfully large gamble given that the prize is Leonard.

Sheldon: Ladies and Gentlemen, honored daughters. While Mr. Kim by virtue of his youth and naivete has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you.

Penny: Look, just forget I told you about me not graduating from community college, okay?
Sheldon: Forget? You want me to forget? This mind does not forget. I haven't forgotten a thing since the day my mother stopped breast-feeding me. It was a drizzly Tuesday.

Sheldon: Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger's Friendship.

Sheldon: If you're interested I can send you a link to a YouTube video that would show you how to perform your own rectal exam. Helpful hint: trim your nails first.

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active Volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.

Sheldon: This is to train for a three month expedition to the magnetic North Pole.
Penny: What?!
Sheldon: I don't know how that sentence could possibly confuse you, but to elaborate, I'm going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.

Sheldon: Is your womb available for rental?

Leonard: You cannot blow up my head with your brain.
Sheldon: Then I'll settle for an aneurysm.