Sheldon: I didn't want to come in. I was told it would make everyone uncomfortable. So I'll just stay out here and pretend I don't need to go to the bathroom.

Sheldon: Right now, somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight of the best noble gas by the number of colors in the oldest national flag still in use-
Howard: Then using that number as the average speed to calculate the travel time from Mordor to the Shire.
Sheldon: And taking her first step towards a lifetime of laughter, love and, best of all, rules.

Amy: So, what'd you have in mind for tonight?
Sheldon: I thought I could take you out to a nice birthday dinner. If we pick a place
east of here, we might find the balloon.

Penny: So, you gonna get up there later?
Sheldon: A microphone, a room full of inaccurate depictions of Polynesian religion, and a captive audience to hear about it? You bet I am.

Sheldon: My pants are missing, I don't remember anything. Penny, this is your youth. What do I do?

Sheldon: Wait, oh, and I just I want to let you know right now that we are not getting married in a church.
Mary Cooper: That's all right, Sheldon. Anywhere Jesus is is a church.
Sheldon: Well, he won't be at our wedding.
Mary Cooper: He's in my heart, so if I'm there, he'll be there.
Sheldon: Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one. You don't get to bring anyone else.

Sheldon: Some things shouldn't be rebooted. Some things were perfect the way they were. Like the walled city of York, it was a delight. But New York? Blech.

Amy: Is that butter?
Sheldon: Yes. But don't blow it all on one biscuit. Took me nine hours to make that. I think I got churner's elbow.

Sheldon: Yeah, I apologize for my earlier outburst! Who needs Halo when we can be regaled delightfully with the folksy tale of the "whore of Omaha"?

Sheldon: Yes, this is doctor Sheldon Cooper. Is this the Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny? Sorry to bother you. (to different person) Hello I'm looking for a Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny. Coitus. It means intercourse and I have a feeling I'm speaking to the right Zack.

Sheldon: Unlikely, but make your case. Keeping in mind your critical attitude is ruining our Saturday night together, and I'm not above minimizing your window.

Sheldon: It's hard to say no to Yoo-hoo. The name literally beckons.

Sheldon: I love astro-physics. It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon: I remember it distinctly because I had just finished writing my poem commerating the anniversary of Dr. Seuss's death.
Howard: No one wants to hear it.
Sheldon: Why die? Why did he die? All told, I was told he was old.

Sheldon: My hands are magic.