Sheldon: It's not the same thing. I don't think you know how I feel at all.
Leonard: Sad?
Sheldon: Hmm, you do get me.

Bernadette: So your evil plan here is to buy your girlfriend a present?
Sheldon: That's right. So stay on my good side, or maybe I'll get you a little something, too.

Sheldon: He were go, compromising again. We really are the best.

Sheldon: I'm not going to work today. And would you like to know why?
Leonard: You're upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn't make a break through, and now you're worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you're gonna sit around and sulk all day.
Sheldon: Like a big old baby.

Sheldon: You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you, like a murder or spontaneous coitus with Leonard.

Penny: What exactly do you think goes on here?
Sheldon: Well, conversations that you wouldn't be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex. You know, who has the best cervix. Which sanitary napkin is all the rage right now. Men's buttocks and how you want to pat and squeeze them.

Leonard: What is going on?
Sheldon: Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level. So I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turns out I love her.

Raj: What are you drawing over there?
Sheldon: It's a hypothetical containment field for a Frisbee-sized wormhole that could serve as a portal to a parallel universe.
Howard: Oh, you silly doodlebug.
Leonard: You know, a lot of scientists believe that making contact with other life-forms would probably not end well for us.
Sheldon: It's a Frisbee-sized wormhole, Leonard. You can block it with a Frisbee. Calm down.

Sheldon: My name is right on there with yours. That is a sure fire mark of quality. That might as well say "Directed by Joss Whedon".

Leonard: Sheldon, this is super-fluid helium. Put this in your mouth, your tongue will freeze and fall off.
Sheldon: Does it smell like blueberries?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then we're probably okay.

Sheldon: I bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move. Or to kill a man.
Leonard: I doubt he'll ask you to kill a man.
Sheldon: Well, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it.

Bernadette: Who's involved?
Sheldon: Well, a short bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
Penny: You're talking about Leonard.
Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and he briefly served in the Mexican Navy.

Ms. Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the confusion here. No, no. Alex thought I was singling her out. No, I meant that all woman are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Sheldon: I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's Day with a girl since I was six.
Sheldon: Shame on you! That's no dream for a scientist.