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Quotes from ‘The Hot Tub Contamination’

The Hot Tub Contamination

'The Hot Tub Contamination' - Season 10, Episode 5

When Sheldon and Amy start bickering over their living situation, Leonard and Penny step in to keep the pair separate and to give them advice on living with a significant other. Meanwhile, after Howard and Bernadette blow off a planned vacation, they observe†a pair of unexpected guests in their hot tub.

Air Date: October 17, 2016.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny: You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: My mother was at bible study. I walked in the house expecting to find it empty, and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw my father having relations with another woman.
Penny: Oh, that's awful!
Sheldon: I know. It's also why I never open a door without knocking three times. I mean, the first one's traditional, but two and three are for people to get their pants on.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Well, let's just get them apart for a while so they can cool down.
Leonard: Good. Then before we reintroduce them, we'll give him one of her sweaters so he can get used to her scent again.
Penny: So it's okay for you to joke around?
Leonard: No, that's actually what we did with him when Howard came back from space.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: I'm in this relationship, too. I need to stand up for myself.
Leonard: Of course you do.
Amy: And if he doesn't like it, he can move back here.
Leonard: Oh, he can try. He'd just need a good locksmith.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Well, for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Penny: Sheldon, what do you say to that?
Sheldon: I think we should see other people.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: I told you, you can't regulate every aspect of our lives.
Sheldon: I can if you'd just roll over and accept your fate.
Amy: I'm sorry for bringing this over here.
Penny: Believe me, we know what you're going through.
Leonard: And I think the most helpful thing we can tell you is no backsies.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: What time do you and Bernadette head out?
Howard: As soon as I get home. We're hoping to make it before dark.
Raj: I've never been to Palm Springs.
Stuart: Oh, you should go. It's terrific. I really thrive anywhere the women and the temperature are over 90.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I don't know. If I want to watch old people sweat, I can just FaceTime my family in India.

Quote from Howard

Stuart: It's nice you and Bernadette are getting away.
Howard: Well, she wants us to spend more time together before the baby comes.
Stuart: So then what are you doing here buying comic books?
Howard: Well, he (Raj) wants us to spend more time together before the baby comes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, as a male, I have an evolutionary drive to perpetuate my DNA. Restricting myself to a single partner is against my nature.
Amy: We sleep together once a year! You want other partners?
Sheldon: Don't blame me. Blame your pal, biology. He's the pervert pulling the strings here.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: You know, people are quick to accuse me of being difficult to live with, but the truth is, Amy is just as challenging.
Penny: Just as challenging.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: As you.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Just as challenging as you?

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Do you know that when I get out of the shower, she eyes me up and down like I'm a piece of meat?
Penny: You know, so does Leonard. Can't I just get ready in the morning without him giving me his goofy thumbs-up? "Hey. (chuckles)"
Sheldon: Sometimes I would just like to be appreciated for my mind.
Penny: Agreed! Thank you!

Quote from Howard

Howard: He heard me talking about us going away. I guess he decided to invite himself over?
Bernadette: Should we say something to him?
Howard: Maybe. How 'bout, "Hey, you look like a boiled chicken breast"?
Bernadette: I meant like, "What are you doing here?"
Howard: Nah, that's not gonna hurt his feelings.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Why is nothing easy with him?
Leonard: Look, here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon, he's the worst.
Amy: I prefer to think of it as high-maintenance.
Leonard: I prefer to think of myself as 5' 10", but I still need to get all my pants hemmed.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into.
Leonard: Don't beat yourself up. You've never lived with anyone before.
Amy: That's true.
Leonard: And you're starting out with Sheldon Cooper. That's like getting your first pet and having it be- I don't know. What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?

Quote from Leonard

Amy: He put a sign up in the bathroom that says, "Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap."
Leonard: Yeah, my record was six.

Quote from Bernadette

Stuart: I had nothing else to do tonight. The last couple of months, I come here when I know they're not home.
Howard: (In the upstairs window) What?!
Stuart: They heard me in the bushes once, but they thought it was a raccoon.
Bernadette: (In the upstairs window) I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor will be a good place to meet other women.
Penny: Oh, please, you're barely interested in a physical relationship with one person. Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?

Quote from Stuart

Raj: Here you go.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Shall we toast?
Stuart: To Howard and Bernadette, and the house key they never asked me to return.

Quote from Raj

Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.

Quote from Raj

Stuart: So you're back out on the dating scene now?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, a little.
Stuart: Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
Raj: I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule.
Leonard: No, don't do that.
Amy: But you did.
Leonard: Exactly! Learn from my mistakes! No matter where I am at 7:18 A.M., there better be a toilet nearby.

Quote from Amy

Amy: It's just so much easier to give him what he wants.
Leonard: Oh, true, but think of how much you've accomplished. Who got him to stop Purelling his pocket change?
Amy: Me.
Leonard: And who got him to put things other than gloves in the glove compartment?
Amy: Me. It was mittens.
Leonard: Mm. And who got him to try a turkey dog?
Amy: That was actually Koothrappali, but I did let him spit it out in my hand.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, how can you stop now? That's like walking out of Pinocchio right before he becomes a real boy.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Well, who you gonna hit on? The girl in front of us got strawberry. That's your favorite.
Sheldon: No. No, if we both like it, I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going, "Aw, no strawberry."

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: What about the girl behind the counter?
Sheldon: Well, she spends her whole day scooping. One arm's probably bigger than the other.
Penny: Is it possible you might not actually want to meet someone?
Sheldon: You are truly wise.
Penny: Thank you.
Sheldon: I'd say wise beyond your years, but you're getting up there.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Penny, I am going to tell you a story that I've never told anyone.
Penny: All right.
Sheldon: I was 13 years old, and on spring break from college.
Penny: Not relating. Go on.
Sheldon: I came home early because they ran out of math to teach me.
Penny: Oh, now I'm with ya.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I need to prepare her now to save her from pain down the road.
Penny: Down the road? Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!
Sheldon: Well, anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: I suppose I should apologize to you, as well.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: That must have hurt watching me look for other women without ever even considering you. Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.
Penny: Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Oh, and also, I am willing to forgo the bathroom schedule.
Penny: Oh.
Leonard: Really? Why does she get that?! We never got that!
Penny: Do you want him back?
Leonard: I'm very happy for you.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Amy, you should know I was never really interested in seeing other women. And to prove how serious I am about us, I'm willing to take our relationship to the next level.
-Cut to Sheldon and Amy's bathroom in Apartment 4B-
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler, will you share this toothbrush holder with me?
Amy: I would love to.
Leonard: Did we really need to be here for this?
Penny: Call me crazy, but I found it moving.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Okay, I'm confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?
Leonard: I'll give you a hint. We're watching Daredevil.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Will you two please inform Amy how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
Penny: Can't.
Leonard: Won't.
Penny: Didn't.
Leonard: Don't.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: You wanna see other people? Go see other people.
Penny: I hope one of those people is a monkey, 'cause this is bananas.
Leonard: Hey, you can make jokes, but if this keeps up, he's gonna move back in here.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Who's ready for a hot, three-hour car ride to the desert?
Bernadette: Next vomit is gonna be in your lap.
Howard: I'm sorry. We don't have to go.
Bernadette: But it's our last chance to take a vacation that's just the two of us.
Howard: How 'bout we stay here? We don't even have to tell anyone. It'll be like a secret vacation at home.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Keeping secrets from our friends. That does sound kinda fun.
Howard: Does it sound sexy?
Bernadette: You just heard me throwing up.
Howard: You bet I did.
Bernadette: You're so weird.
Howard: You know what's weird? How turned on you are right now.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Is that the hot tub?
Bernadette: Who would use our hot tub?
Howard: Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing than you think.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Stuart.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Is it me, or is there something fun about watching him just float there?
Howard: Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.

Quote from Raj

Raj: What are you doing here?!
Stuart: What are you doing here?!
Raj: Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here!
Stuart: Did they?
Raj: Answer the question! What are you doing here?!

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, one night, Leonard's nose whistled so loud, I swear it was like sleeping on a train track.
Sheldon: Have you noticed it's always an A-flat?
Penny: Is it?
*Sheldon whistles*
Penny: Oh! It's like his sinuses are right here in the car.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If we're just going to drive around aimlessly, the least you could do is take me for ice cream.
Penny: Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
Sheldon: Well, see, why can't Amy be that subservient? She has coitus one time, suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: So how's your apartment?
Stuart: Not great. The electricity's out.
Raj: So why don't you get it fixed?
Stuart: I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Why wouldn't he tell us? Are we bad friends?
Howard: He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
Bernadette: Yeah, he deserves to be alone.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Bernadette's baby.
Stuart: I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet hitting just the right spot.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Those jets are for my secret spot, not his!
Bernadette: What do you do in there?!
Howard: It's called relaxing, and that's all you need to know.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed for the storm cellar.

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