Howard: What do you think?
Barry Kripke: That ... is ... hilarious! Give me the remote control. I want to drive him into the girls' restroom.
Howard: All right, we're done. It's offensive.

Amy: Bert is studying the way microbes in rocks can survive in extreme environmental conditions.
Leonard: They say it could be a potential indicator of life on other planets.
Penny: You know what, I've met Bert. Isn't he an indicator of life on other planets?
Sheldon: You used to make those jokes about me. Now everything's Bert, Bert, Bert.

Raj: Well, I'm glad to see you moving forward.
Sheldon: Bert did quality research. And he deserves whatever accolades he receives.
Howard: What is going on? (To Leonard) Did you upgrade his software last night?
Leonard: I think he might be learning on his own.
Raj: Then the robot uprising has begun.

Sheldon: I admire you, Leonard.
Leonard: Really, why?
Sheldon: You're happy with who you are. You don't get jealous of other people. Instead of being weighed down by ambition, you just float along like a dead body in a river.
Leonard: I couldn't just take the compliment. I had to ask why.

Sheldon: Who leaves their bike in the hallway? You know, if I knew how to ride one, I'd steal it.

Sheldon: I hope you're happy making me read this. Bert's work is remarkable. And I'm more upset than ever. This is worse than when I had to admit that Cedric the Entertainer's actually entertaining.

Raj: He doesn't just look like C-3PO, now he walks like him.

Sheldon: I am not proud of this. But I have been envious of your recent success.
Bert: Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant, everyone's jealous of me. Once I get LASIK, I'll be out of things to wish for.

Stephen Hawking: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Professor Hawking!
Stephen Hawking: I understand you're struggling with professional jealousy.
Sheldon: Thanks, Leonard, now he's not gonna think I'm cool.
Stephen Hawking: Don't worry, I know how you feel. I have never won a Nobel Prize.
Penny: Oh, wow, that doesn't seem fair.
Stephen Hawking: It's fine. I've been on The Simpsons.
Sheldon: How do you deal with the success of your colleagues?
Stephen Hawking: I remind myself every scientific advancement is a victory. Also, I was on Star Trek.
Leonard: (To Penny) Oh, it was a good one. He played poker with Sir Isaac - You don't care.
Stephen Hawking: Don't waste your time on jealousy, Sheldon, you're too brilliant.

Penny: Seriously, none of you liked it?
Bernadette: I thought it was brave. Does that count as liking it?
Penny: You know, how come nobody's talking about Howard's dopey haircut?
Bernadette: I think he looks cute.
Howard: And I think you're cute.
Raj: I think you're both cute.
Penny: I think I hate all of you nerds.

Sheldon: Everything is stupid and I want to go home.
Leonard: That's Sheldon's way of saying he's proud of Bert, too.

Amy: You know, Sheldon, maybe if you take the time to actually read Bert's research, you'd be less bitter about him winning.
Sheldon: You want me to read a geology paper?
Amy: Honestly, I just want you to be quiet, but I'm all out of taffy.

Sheldon: Hey, it's not even called the "Genius Grant," it's the MacArthur Fellowship. Just like it's not Frankenstein, it's "Frankenstein's Monster." Which brings us back to that hulking simpleton over there. And if anyone's a genius, it's me for the way I brought that full circle.

Penny: This is getting old fast, Dolores, knock it off!
Sheldon: Uh, do you really think calling me names is helpful?
Penny: I do! Your life is fine, you big baby!
Sheldon: Maybe you're right.
Amy: Really?!
Leonard: If it helps, I'm questioning your life choices, too.

Sheldon: I can't believe I was surpassed by a geologist. I mean rocks! He studies rocks! If rock is so great, how come paper beats it?