Bert: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
Penny: Aw, that's so weird.

Penny: You know, on our first date, Leonard used a coupon to buy me a pretzel.
Leonard: And we lived happily ever after.
Penny: The end.

Bert: Hello? Is anybody home?
Leonard: Is that Bert?
Bert: It's Bert.
Penny: I think it's Bert.

Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

Penny: Look, sweetie, relationships aren't about money, okay? It's about respect and having things in common and- Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: You and Leonard don't have anything in common. Maybe you should break up.
Leonard: (To Penny) You called on him.

Bernadette: Let me just say good-bye. (Taps the glass) Halley. (Hits the glass) Look at Mommy. (Hits the glass) Over here, honey. (Pounding the glass)Say good-bye to Mommy! Look at me! Look at your mother!
*Babies crying*
Bernadette: All right, we can go.

Raj: Can't believe Bert has a girlfriend and I don't.
Amy: I thought you were taking a break from women to focus on your career.
Raj: Oh, grow up.