Sheldon: They're very different. Physics answers the question: what is the nature of the universe? Geology answers the question: you know, what'd I just trip over?

Sheldon: I've been modeling different types of dark matter and the traces they would leave on the zircon inside your meteorite.
Bert: What's this one here?
Sheldon: That's actually a dark matter model of my own creation. I call it the Cooper Boson.
Bert: Cool. I got to name a rock once. I named it Moderately Sedimented Shale. Guess I kind of pooped the bed on that one.

Raj: Are you saying that you don't believe two people fall in love?
Ruchi: Of course they do. It's just that what people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain that fade over time.
Raj: Yes. Like the old song, "When a man has a biochemical reaction for a woman."

Amy: What's going on?
Sheldon: What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
Amy: Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
Sheldon: No. It's about working with Bert on - You know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and -"ology". G-- Oh, no, that's not gonna work.

Bert: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.

Amy: Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
Sheldon: If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?

Howard: Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
Sheldon: (sighs) Yes, fine, you found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
Bert: Are you embarrassed of me?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.

Leonard: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard: She lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.

Raj: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: What? What? I can handle casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: Oh, why do you keep doing that with your face?
Penny: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.

Penny: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
Raj: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?

Sheldon: Uh, let's-let's do it here, in-in the evenings, after everyone's gone home.
Bert: I just have to see if my evenings are free. That's a joke. They are.

Bert: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of zinc, zinc, piece of quartz.

Sheldon: Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
Penny: I don't know. Poor Bert?

Bert: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I could help you with your research.
Bert: What changed your mind?
Sheldon: Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.

Penny: Okay, this is about science. Why'd you come to me?
Sheldon: Well, because it's also about my reputation. And somehow you manage to hold your head high despite your checkered past.
Penny: Checkered past?
Sheldon: It's a figure of speech referring to how sexually promiscuous you were.
Penny: Really? Well, I've got a figure of speech about how sexually promiscuous you can go be with yourself.

Howard: Look, while Bernadette's on bed rest, we're gonna have to divide and conquer. I've got one monitor for her, one for the baby. Which do you want?
Stuart: I'll take the baby. She's less emasculating.

Sheldon: I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.
Penny: Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me."

Sheldon: I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
Penny: Well, you just told me, so strong start.

Amy: I'm just saying, if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she-
Amy: (Gets up and leaves) Nope.
Sheldon: (After Amy's gone) She studied for a urine test. (chuckles)

Penny: All right, when do you see her next?
Raj: Uh, we're having dinner tonight.
Penny: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork.
Raj: What's the rubber band for?
Penny: To slow the bleeding.

Howard: I don't get how you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense.
Raj: Did you just come here to complain?
Howard: Yeah. That's the sport of my people.

Bert: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I would like us to work together again. I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, because while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.

Bert: Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard: Then why does it say, "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it."?
Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.

Howard: So how was your night with Ruchi?
Raj: Oh, great. We ordered in some food, we had sex, I left. I didn't even ask if she enjoyed it.
Howard: (chuckles) I can field that one for her.
Raj: I mean, I did get a little misty when we said good-bye, but I played it off as allergies. I don't know if she bought it.
Howard: Again, I know.

Amy: What you got there?
Sheldon: A rock.
Amy: Did some mean boys throw it at you?
Sheldon: It turns out I'm the mean boy. Although I did drop it on my own foot, so kind of.

Bernadette: (off-screen) Howard! Can you help me to the bathroom?!
Howard: Well, at least the romance is still alive.

Ruchi: I was supposed to go back to India and get married, but I realized it wasn't what I wanted. So I called off the engagement and moved out here.
Raj: Well, if he wasn't your soul mate, he wasn't your soul mate.
Ruchi: Oh, God, please tell me you're not one of those.
Raj: One of whats?
Ruchi: I want to say teenage girls, but that sounds mean.

Raj: Come on, you don't believe that everyone has one perfect match?
Ruchi: Of course not. That's ridiculous. I mean, what if your soul mate lived halfway across the world? You'd never meet.
Raj: Yes, you would. I can give you, like, 20 examples where that happened to Kate Hudson alone.

Raj: Love isn't just science. Okay? It's-it's spiritual. It's an acknowledgment of a mystery that's greater than ourselves. It's what makes people write songs and poems, and what has kept The Bachelor on TV for 21 magical seasons.
Ruchi: Don't you think the fact that love is given away as a prize on a game show slightly undermines your argument?
Raj: Uh, yes. But I've never missed an episode, and I dare science to explain that.

Sheldon: Leonard, what are you doing here?
Leonard: Bert asked for my help.
Bert: Yeah, he's an excellent scientist, and he doesn't tell me what time I can go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: It's called bladder training. When you're in your 80s, you'll thank me for it.

Leonard: So you just shut the door in his face? I got to start writing this stuff down.

Raj: I mean, Ruchi's nice. We're just so different.
Howard: I know. Sometimes when you're dating, you meet weird people.
Bernadette: I once met a girl who didn't like juggling. And she still doesn't.

Ruchi: Arre uske taang pay ball kar!
Howard: What'd she say?
Raj: Uske taang pay ball kar.
Howard: Oh, that clears that up.
Raj: Well, no, she's telling the bowler to bowl a yorker. It's the most brutal ball in cricket.
Ruchi: I was at the match when Shoaib bowled back-to-back yorkers.
Raj: Well, I was there, too! What a coincidence!
Ruchi: Well, there were 120,000 people at that match, so-
Raj: Yeah, India, right? Everywhere you go, there's, like, 120,000 people.

Leonard: Sheldon, what are you doing? Bert's one of the top guys in his field.
Sheldon: And somewhere there's a mime who's top in his field, but you don't see me rushing to collaborate with him on new ways to be stuck in a box.
Howard: Also something I would watch instead of cricket.

Sheldon: Thank you for asking. Unfortunately, I have real science to do. But you feel free to rock on. (To Leonard) That's how you do it.

Sheldon: Oh, so they would act as natural dark matter detectors.
Raj: That sounds interesting.
Sheldon: It does, but it's still geology. Sorry, Bert, I don't have time to play rocks with you.

Raj: Hey, uh, who's free tonight?
Leonard: Oh, I think I'm-
Sheldon: Hang on. We've made this mistake before. It's how we wound up at his cousin Deepak's Tupperware party.
Raj: Hey, you use that collapsible bowl all the time, and you know it.

Ruchi: Are you sure you're okay with this?
Raj: Honestly, Ruchi, I don't have a lot of experience with casual relationships. I have some experience with serious relationships and a ton of experience with no relationships.

Stuart: So, you and Ruchi?
Raj: Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you liked her, too, but we just bumped into each other last night and hit it off.
Stuart: No, that's fine. You're my friend and I'm happy for you.
Raj: Oh, thank you, Stuart.
Stuart: Plus, I don't know how you're gonna screw it up, but I know you will.
Raj: What's there to screw up? She just wants to keep things casual.
Stuart: Oh, great, that's how you're gonna screw it up.
Raj: Hey, I can be casual.
Stuart: Mm-hmm. I should get a haircut. This thing's going south fast.

Raj: Good morning! Scones?
Stuart: Ah, thanks.
Raj: They're all for you; I already had breakfast at Ruchi's.
Howard: You're kidding. You slept with her?
Raj: Well, there wasn't a lot of sleeping involved. I mean, she slept, I stayed awake. I was afraid of snoring 'cause I didn't have my special pillow.

Sheldon: (on the phone) Hello, Amy. (stammers) What do you mean, where am I? I'm in my office.
Amy: No, I'm at your office and you're not here. I thought I'd surprise you with dinner.
Sheldon: For future reference, the best surprises are the ones I know about three days in advance.
Amy: Where are you?
Sheldon: It's a surprise. Doesn't feel so good, does it?

Raj: Are you here by yourself?
Ruchi: Yeah, I couldn't convince anyone to come watch cricket with me.
Howard: (chuckles) Tell me about it. I had to drag this guy.

Raj: I hope this isn't awkward. The last time we met, I kind of embarrassed myself.
Howard: Let's see if you can go two for two.

Raj: I just thought we could, you know, hang out and go to a bar.
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Very well.
Howard: Sounds fun.
Raj: And watch cricket. (silence)
Howard: That sound you hear, ironically, crickets.

Bernadette: So you're not gonna see her again?
Raj: What's the point? We're never gonna be in a real relationship.
Howard: Right, so you'll only be in a physical one?
Raj: Exactly. Why would I want to spend time with someone like that?
Howard: Someone who is just interested in sex?
Raj: Yeah.
Bernadette: Raj, do you real-
Howard: Whoa, hold on. Give him a chance. He's gonna get this. (Raj staring blankly)
Bernadette: I don't think he is.

Raj: What is there to get? She doesn't want to fall in love. At that point, all we are is two single people who find each other attractive and enjoy having-- Oh, got to go!

Ruchi: This place seems nice.
Raj: Uh, but not too nice. Yelp called it "good for groups."

Penny: What can I do for you?
Sheldon: Just a minute, I want to make sure Leonard can't hear us. (loudly) I've got a box of cupcakes. (silence) Okay, we're good.