Howard: You okay?
Bernadette: Uh, I think that was a contraction.
Howard: Is it time? Do we need to go to the hospital?
Bernadette: No. We've been through this before. My water hasn't even broken yet.
Sheldon: Never mind your water. Has your mucus plug popped out?
Bernadette: Ew, no!
Sheldon: Oh, you're right. We probably would've heard that.
Penny: It's not a champagne cork. Although that would be festive.

Howard: How you feeling?
Bernadette: Eh. But I am really excited to meet our son.
Howard: Me, too. I thought I'd be super freaked out. But I'm ready for this. Well, not the part where you're in labor and you squeeze my fingers till they turn blue.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. That must be really painful for you.
Howard: It is. I mean, last time, I- Okay, I see what you're doing.

Bernadette: I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
Howard: That's okay.
Bernadette: I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college. I was really competitive with my roommate.
Howard: Forget about it. Please.

Bernadette: You know what, maybe we're putting too much pressure on this. It doesn't matter what we name him. He's gonna be amazing.
Howard: You're right. This kid is part you and part me.
Bernadette: Yeah. He's gonna be smart and kind and funny.
Howard: If he cracks five-foot-six, it'll be a miracle.

Amy: I've always liked the name Elliott.
Leonard: Sorry, can't have it. That's my boy name.
Amy: I said it first.
Leonard: It's not like calling dibs.
Amy: Yes, it is. It's exactly like that. Dibs on Elliott.
Leonard: I'm just saying, we might get there first. You only have sex once a year. I'll probably have sex tonight. [Penny looks at Leonard] Fine, you can have Elliott.

Sheldon: Don't worry. I don't expect you to bear them all. I'm sure we can find a suitable uterus to rent. [looks to Penny]
Leonard: No!
Penny: Uh-uh!
Amy: We weren't thinking about you.
Sheldon: Of course not. (grunts) I am going to the kitchen. Can I get anybody anything? Penny, nice glass of milk and a multivitamin?

Howard: I'm not gonna fight her. That kid's head was the size of a cantaloupe.

Bernadette: What are you doing?
Howard: I'm making the situation better with humor.
Bernadette: Are you?
Howard: Would you rather me make it better with magic?
Bernadette: Go back to sleep.

Leonard: So, any day now.
Howard: Oh, I don't know. We went to the doctor this morning, and she said it could still be another week or two.
Raj: How's Bernadette holding up?
Howard: It's pretty rough. She's having a hard time.
Leonard: Why are you smiling? I had sex twice last night.
Raj: That's not fair! She's on bed rest. She can't run away.
Howard: It was her idea. She read that it can start labor.
Raj: Hmm. Is that true?
Howard: Well, I would have Googled it, but I was busy taking my pants off.

Sheldon: Hey, I was just talking about you.
Amy: Oh, should I ask?
Leonard: You should not.

Penny: You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant, she told me there are tons of poses that put her right into labor.
Bernadette: I'll try, but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.

Raj: I'm telling you, there's an acupressure point right above your ankle that can induce contractions.
Bernadette: All right, but just a warning. My feet are a little swollen.
Raj: Oh, please, Bernadette. I'm sure this ... okay.
Bernadette: What?
Raj: Nothing. Your ankles look fine, and not at all like I just popped open a can of crescent rolls.

Leonard: My mother believes that if you're not prepared mentally, it can delay your body from going into labor.
Bernadette: So what are you trying to say? It's my fault?
Leonard: (sighs) Raj is crazy. Your ankles aren't that gross.

Howard: Are there any engineers on the grant committee?
Amy: I don't know. Why?
Howard: I didn't have time to figure out the three-input hydraulic manifold, so this diagram is really just a flux capacitor from Back to the Future.

Howard: Hey, I just wish I could be there when you present it.
Amy: That's okay. It's more important that you spend time with Michael.
Howard: Who's Michael?
Amy: Uh, your son?
Howard: No, it's not. My son doesn't have a name yet.
Amy: (long silence) Okay, well, then, Bernadette's son.