Quotes from ‘The Hot Troll Deviation’

The Hot Troll Deviation

'The Hot Troll Deviation' - Season 4, Episode 4

Howard is embarrassed when the reason behind his break-up with Bernadette is revealed. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Raj engage in a small war at work.

Air Date: October 14, 2010.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Sometimes your movements are so lifelike I forget you are not a real boy.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, you're so arrogant. If you were a super hero your name would be Captain Arrogant. And do you know what your super power would be? Arrogance.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Penny. Penny.
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Sorry, dude. The thermostat's on my side of the room, so it stays Mumbai hot in here until you turn off that stupid Indian music.
Sheldon: I'll turn off the music when you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet.
Raj: Oh, too bad. Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds. Hey, look, Sheldon. Birdie, birdie, birdie.
Sheldon: That's it. Prepare for marshmallow death.
Raj: Eat flaming Nerf.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: What's George Takei doing here?
Katie Sackhoff: Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
Howard: Of course not.
George Takei: So you say, yet here I am.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, I found my girdle. It was in the dryer.
Howard: That's great, ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz I think it shrunk. I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: I did a stupid thing.
Leonard: Yeah, I guessed that.
Howard: It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
Leonard: That covers anything from farting in bed to killing a homeless guy. Oh my God, you ran over a hobo.

Quote from Howard

Howard: For all we know Glacinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman. She could have been a fifty year old truck driver from New Jersey.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You're wrong again. If arrogance were my super power, my name would be Dr. Arroganto.

Quote from Howard

Mrs. Wolowitz: I think it shrunk. I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here.
Howard: And with that mental picture, I think we're done for the evening.

Quote from Raj

Raj: This is not over!

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Why do you even want this here? Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
Raj: Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off, I'd say it's spot on.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Leonard: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
Sheldon: They do some of their best work at night.

Quote from Penny

Howard: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right, I see what's going on. This is the opening salvo in what will be an escalating series of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges. Well titted.
Raj: Thank you.
Sheldon:Stand by for my upcoming tat.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
Leonard: Ah, well, I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.
Howard: Short jokes? Really? You're like a quarter of an inch taller than me.
Leonard: Yeah, and don't you forget it.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light, then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
Sheldon: Yes, well, if we lived in a world where slow-moving xenon produced light, then you'd be correct. Also, pigs would fly, my derrire would produce cotton candy, and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert, but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays. And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me. Howard won't order anything, but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment involving the words pie or cheesecake. And Leonard's lactose intolerant, so he can't eat anything here without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
Leonard: Hang on a second. I could have the fruit platter.
Penny: You want the fruit platter?
Leonard: Does it have melon on it?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: No, I can't eat melon.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Oh, Howard, heads up. Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift.
Leonard: When was the last time you saw her?
Howard: Oh, not since we broke up. Wow. How am I going to play this? Sophisticated and relaxed? Friendly, noncommittal? Cold and distant? (Hides under the table)

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Hello. I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
Raj: It's one of his best moves.

Quote from Howard

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, have you seen my girdle?!
Howard: No, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
Howard: Maybe it committed suicide!

Quote from Howard

Leonard: So you want to get back together with her, but you're too ashamed to face her because of whatever it is you did.
Howard: In a nutshell.
Leonard: Okay. Well, how about this? Kidnap Bernadette from the opera wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
Howard: Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: You're being unreasonable. Why can't I have a desk?
Sheldon: Our collaboration is a work of the mind. We don't need desks.
Raj: You have a desk.
Sheldon: Correct.
Raj: But I can't have one.
Sheldon: You're two for two.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, will this day never end? As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali, whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him when it's convenient, there's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
Raj: Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines, a marshmallow shooting rifle, and a super executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand?
Sheldon: Yes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right, all right. He can buy his own desk.
Raj: And I can put it in your office?
Sheldon: Well, you really want to dot the Is and cross the Ts, don't you?

Quote from Penny

Howard: I just have a question. Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
Penny: Oh, absolutely.
Howard: She does?
Penny: Yeah, sure. Just yesterday, she asked, why is Howard hiding under the table?
Howard: She saw that, huh?
Penny: Oh, no, not at first. Right after I pointed it out.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, while we're on the subject, why did you guys break up anyway?
Howard: Oh, I'd rather not say.
Penny: Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
Howard: But it's embarrassing.
Penny: Yeah, that's what I'm counting on.

Quote from Penny

Howard: Well, you know World of Warcraft?
Penny: Um, the online game? Sure.
Howard: Well, did you know that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?
Penny: Oh, God. I think I see where this is going.
Howard: Her name was Glacinda the Troll. Bernadette walked in on me while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls.
Penny: Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
Howard: Would you talk to her?
Penny: Bernadette or the troll?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Will you talk to her, see if there's any chance at all we could get back together?
Penny: Oh, gee, Howard, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
Howard: No. Why would you? I'm just another lonely nerd, living with his mother, trying to find any scrap of happiness he can. You know, maybe to make up for the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
Penny: Okay, I will think about it.
Howard: You know, I've always blamed myself for him leaving. I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
Penny: Yeah, I said I'd think about it.
Howard: I wasn't athletic, yeah, I was kind of sickly.
Penny: Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now! See?
Howard: Thank you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: This isn't a desk. This is a Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
Raj: Is that the American idiom for giant, big-ass desk?
Sheldon: It's actually British.
Raj: Can you say it again for me?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: One more time?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: Now three times fast?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna-

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: How did you even get it in here?
Raj: That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.

Quote from Howard

Howard: How have you been?
Bernadette: Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?
Howard: Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer, but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.
Bernadette: Too bad.
Howard: You wouldn't know anybody who wants to buy a wet suit, boy's large? Yeah, forget it. Not important.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay, fine. I'll admit, there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones. But the only reason I go there, the only reason I've ever gone there is because I don't have a real woman in my life. You happy?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, this is a little awkward, but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away. So, just take that [bill] when you're ready.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Yeah, we had a really great talk, and we're gonna start seeing each other again.
Leonard: Oh, congratulations. Have you broken it to the troll yet?
Howard: Did Penny tell you about that?
Leonard: No. Steve Patterson told me.
Howard: The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: How’d he know about it?
Leonard: He's Glacinda the troll.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What are you doing in there?
Sheldon: I'm making hydrogen sulphide and ammonia gas. Just a little experiment in pest control.
Raj: It's not gonna work, dude. I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street, and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
Sheldon: Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
Raj: Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas fares against my cinnamon-apple-scented aroma therapy candles.
Leonard: Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulphide gas?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Isn't that flammable?
Sheldon: Highly. Oh, dear. [explosion]

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