Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American?
Leonard: It's kind of a big deal.
Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule?

Penny: Wow, it looks really pretty in here.
Stuart: Yeah, turns out half a dozen Menorahs really sets a mood.

Howard: All Ma's food is going to be ruined.
Bernadette: Why don't we take it home and put it on our freezer?
Raj: You don't want to do that. Refreezing not only removes moisture, but it creates ice crystals in the fibres of the meat that can compromise its taste and texture. What? I saw a teachable moment. I dropped some culinary science.

Howard: Certainly a lot more women are reading comics now.
Stuart: True. At the store, I had to put a seat on the toilet.

Howard: Oh, man. This is the boutineer from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah.
Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Sheldon: Is it my fault I have a much bigger reputation than he does?
Amy: It's not your fault.
Sheldon: Is it my fault that my name came first on the paper alphabetically?
Amy: Not your fault.
Sheldon: Is it my fault that when the reporter cited me as the lead scientist, I didn't correct him?
Amy: Hey look at that pretty bird.

Leonard: I know shopping cheers you up, but it's not really my thing.
Penny: Well, how about this helicopter you control with an iPad?
Leonard: Does it have a camera in it?
Penny: It does have a camera in it.
Leonard: Baby's listening.

Howard: Hey guys. I just want everyone to know tonight's not a sad occasion.
Bernadette: Yeah, we just want to have the kind of dinner that we've all had here so many times before.
Howard: Good food. Good friends. And, sometime around midnight, heartburn that makes you pray for death.

Amy: All these bright people sitting around a table by candlelight. It feels like we could be an eighteenth century French salon.

Sheldon: All he had was an idea.
Amy: Well, that is an important part.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I have ideas all day long: Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people; a new clothing size between medium and large called "Marge"; Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out.
Amy: Well, Leonard's idea was good.
Sheldon: Fine, then Grumpy. What's he so grumpy about? Maybe his girlfriend won't take his side.

Leonard: He always needs all the attention. He's such a baby.
Penny: I know. I know.
Leonard: I swear he is never playing with my helicopter.

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of it.
Penny: Well, didn't he do a lot of the work?
Leonard: But now he's happy to let everyone think he's responsible for everything.
Penny: And that's why you get an iPad helicopter.

Leonard: That's not helpful.
Sheldon: Well, I'd give more examples, but everyone in your position is so forgettable.

Sheldon: What if I told you that I added your name to the cable bill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: That's just as well. They had me on hold for 20 minutes. I hung up.

Penny: I don't think I've eaten that much in my entire life.
Howard: That's why my people wandered the desert for forty years. Took that long to walk it off.

Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever noticed only my name is on the cable bill?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Good, good. And your name is on the electric bill, and mine isn't. And I'm okay with that.
Leonard: Actually, your name is on the electric bill.
Sheldon: Right. This is a disaster.
Leonard: I don't even know what you're talking about and I agree.

Howard: It's all defrosting.
Bernadette: It's okay, it's just food.
Howard: It's not just food. This is the last food my mother ever made. This is her last brisket. This is her last meatloaf. This is her last - I have no idea what this is. But, it's the last one.

Bernadette: What should we do?
Howard: I'll tell you exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna eat it.
Bernadette: There's like twenty-pounds of food in there.
Howard: All you said was, I had to get rid of things. You didn't say they couldn't pass through my colon first.

Raj: I know what it's like having to go through a loved one's possesions. My uncle was a worshipper of Krishna. But after he died, you know what we found? A statue of Shiva.
It might not be Crips & Bloods, but in India it's a thing.

Howard: A lot of ma's stuff brings back fond memories.
Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets?
Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out, and her saying "Quick, no one's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup."

Leonard: New salon topic: What's more important-- an idea or its execution?
Bernadette: Oh, that's fun.
Sheldon: Good for you, Leonard. That's a lovely little notion. Kind of like "I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago." Yeah, and I'll stand back while I invent the telephone. *holds invisible telephone to ear* Hello? Oh, hold on. Leonard, it's your uncle. He says you just got burned.

Howard: Certainly a lot more women are reading comic books now.
Stuart: It's true. In the store, I had to put a seat on the toilet.

Penny: Okay, new Salon topic. Salons, dumb thing from a long time ago, or interesting thing made dumb by talking about superheroes? Discuss.

Sheldon: Indeed. Penny, a salon is a gathering where intellectuals entertained each other with sparkling conversations about the issues of the day.
Penny: Huh. So it's like The View.

Amy: Sheldon, The View is a daytime talk show hosted by women.

Raj: The lead of the Hunger Games is a woman. Marvel has made Tor a female.
Penny: Who's Tor?
Raj: You know, Tor, the god of tunder.

Sheldon: An article was just published in Scientific American about our theory.
Leonard: Did they hate it?
Sheldon: No, no, they loved it. They couldn't say enough nice things about it.
Leonard: So what's the problem?
Sheldon: You know how the pennysaver only has my name on it?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: They didn't mention you in the article, only me.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon: I know. It's not fair. *massages Leonard's shoulders* Let the anger go, buddy. You just, you relax all your muscles, except for your pubococcygeus and anal sphincter. Let's keep those going.

Bernadette: Look at me when I'm tawking to you!

Leonard: Oh, now he's a genius? All you ever do is make fun of him and engineering.
Sheldon: Leonard, please. His mother just died.

Howard: I'm never gonna talk to her again.

Sheldon: Oh, well apparently, Leonard thinks he's better than everyone in the whole world. Including those fighting for our freedom. Well, I don't know about you, but I support our boys overseas.
Amy: And girls.
Sheldon: Hey, you already ruined Thor, give it a rest.

Bernadette: Hey! Sheldon, Leonard, living room right now.
Sheldon: She said my name first. That must kill you.

Bernadette: I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband. We're eating the last food his mother ever made. And you are going to throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there, be a good friend to Howard, or there's no dessert for either of you.

Howard: You guys ever notice, sometimes Bernadette sounds like my mom?
Amy: I don't hear it.
Raj: No, not at all.

Sheldon: I have mixed feelings about interviews. I like the part where I talk, but I do not like the part where the other man talks.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.

Amy: Remember that time you didn't get picked to pull the sword out of the stone at Disneyland and they let that other kid do it?
Sheldon: Oh, that kid!
Poor Leonard.
Amy: Exactly.
Sheldon: For the record, that kid was a terrible choice. If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England.

Sheldon: It's like when Stan Lee and Steve Ditko invented Spider-man. Stan Lee may get all the credit, but Steve Ditko knows he was just as important. Even though Stan Lee gets to be in all the Marvel movies, and he's far richer, and he's a household name. You know, where as if you say Ditko, that sounds like a company that makes Dits.

Howard: Okay, how about this? Let's invite everyone over to dinner. It'll be like Ma's feeding us one last time.
Bernadette: I love that.
Raj: Me too. Oh look, we've got enough ketchup to cover every ounce of it.

Sheldon: Please, I have ideas all day long. Reverse SeaWorld where dolphins are allowed to pet people.
A new clothing size between medium and large called Marge.
Snow White retold from the point of view of Sneezy. Why won't Doc prescribe him something? We finally find out.

Penny: This food is amazing.
Raj: And not a vegetable in sight.
Howard: That's not true. We've got tomatoes right here.

Raj: Okay. So we've got three briskets, four meatloafs, one lasagne.
Howard: No, that's noodle kugel.
Raj: One Jewish lasagne.

Raj: And one giant container of matzah ball soup.
Howard: Ma, always kept it on hand. In case I got sick. She thought she could cure anything with her cooking. Even the time I got food poisoning, from her cooking.

Amy: Sheldon, this article doesn't mention Leonard at all.
Sheldon: Oh, that can't be right.
Amy: It only refers to Dr. Cooper and his team. Did you even talk about him?
Sheldon: All I did was answer a few questions about the theory, and then express my gratitude that Scientific American doesn't include any of those smelly perfume cards.

Leonard: Stuart, have you thought about what you'd do if Howard sells the house?
Stuart: And there goes the mood.

Howard: Stuart, we're here.
Raj: It's nice of you to let him keep staying at your mom's house.
Howard: Yeah. Well, I tried putting him out on the curb, but nobody took him.

Sheldon: And that, little lady, is Pi to a thousand places.
Amy: I'd say sorry I asked, but I didn't.

Leonard: That's not necessary.
Sheldon: It is. They're what hold back the urine and faeces.

Bernadette: Shall we tell everyone not to come?
Howard: No, I wanna do this.
Bernadette: Okay. I'll keep it together if you can.
Raj: I'm not making any promises.

Amy: We won't know if there's equality until female Thor has a baby and the Avengers are cool with her pumping breast milk at work.

Sheldon: Hi. Hello. And a special hello to Leonard, who needs to be mentioned by name.
Leonard: Subtle.
Sheldon: But you got it right.