Howard: What took you so long? The grocery store's only a few blocks away.
Bernadette: They only had regular yogurt. I had to go a different store to get the extra-fat kind your mom likes.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Bernadette: I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!

Penny: I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
Leonard: Well what do you need?
Penny: You, you stupid Poptart.